Well, it's about time that you updated, eh, Ake-chan? I'm joking with you, you can take all the time you need to update, though you know that I'm always eagerly awaiting the latest installment on Haku-chan's adventures. I'm also here to support you throughout the summer to finish this epic of adventures - and I will also be here to review, of course ^_~ Anyway, what I loved the most about this chapter is the tribute to me *winkwink* though there are other savory pieces throughout the narrative, such as the relationship between Ichiro and Haku (officially one of my OTPs, I have to say). The Comic-con was a clever idea, and Haku as Hina is just awesome. I loved Koneko's commentary, however, regarding the chest sizes - it made me lol. Of course, since you've made this lovely tribute to me, I'll have to return the favor. In one of my epically long stories, I'll be sure to give a sort of homage to you :3 I'm intrigued by Minako's appearance here, and Haku's jealousy towards her and Ichiro; everything in this story is just well played out, and I have no complaints whatsoever on narrative flow or characterization. Everything is just seamlessly woven together into a compelling story, and I'm eagerly awaiting for more, Ake-chan.
~Hezaa

Wow; it's been so long since I've read this that I've almost forgot what the whole thing was about... Almost...

Anyway, I like how you write this like spider-man where the superhero life is portrayed as tiring and stressfull instead of cool. Much more realistic than superman, methinks.

I found a couple of typing mistakes, but other than that, this chapter was pretty solid. Lol, Ake seems almost as lazy as I am... *sighs*

Keep writing!

Peace out!

Hello, Ake-chan, as I had promised, I said that I would reread this story and that I would drop a lengthy review for it. Of course, I wanted to relearn about Haku again, reread her origins and relationships, and see how she first started off as a victim and a bystander into and into a superhero. As you've said before, I think that Haku is quite a tragic character, and a solid one at that. She definitely isn't a Mary Sue; as I've said before, you've always had a talent for characters, and Haku is a three-dimensional, living character that embodies herself clearly in the reader's mind. I've always loved the idea of superheroes; and I think it's even more interesting that someone like Haku ended up as a great superhero, and it's cool to know her origins and what motivates her to do what she does. There was definite action in this prologue, high-stakes danger, and a little dash of romance. Please add a dash of suspense for further enjoyment. Mix these ingredients together, and voila, we have a sizzling hot chapter 2 for Ake-chan's special deluxe story, Danzaiver no Densetsu: A hero like no other for everybody's reading pleasure. What's not to like? There are interesting characters, a loveable and charismatic hero model, a charming heroine, and good old fashioned Ake-chan brand storytelling. I know just the place to go if I'm in need of a good story.

The beginning of this chapter was nicely drawn, going at a fast pace, and poor Haku is helpless underneath a scumbag robber's will. At the beginning of the chapter, where we get a peek inside of Haku's head, we can see the seed of a strong woman hidden underneath the facade of a victim. Already, I'm drawn into the story, and I have an admiration for Haku with the mature thinking that she has displayed in a life or death situation. Even though she knew that this was a delicate situation that she was treading, yet she forced herself to be brave. Danzaiver definitely is a classic model hero, but he has enough personality and well rounded characterization that he simply isn't another archetype in the faceless crowd of generic type superheroes. Nope, this Danzaiver, Danzaiver as in the great superhero! *a round of applause for Danzaiver* He handled the situation coolly, and I admire his skill and assured confidence throughout the story. The scene where Danzaiver fixed Haku's wound with a part of his cape was so...KAWAII! There were no other words to describe that scene...the undertones of romance in that moment was teeth-rotting cotton-candy sweet fluff to the extreme.

Believe in the fluff.

Yar.

Ahem, anyway, getting side-tracked again. The philisophical scene in the story was very moving too. I just loved the conversation that was exchanged between them, and the the question that Danzaiver gives her a revelation of her personality, in which Danzaiver had pointed out that he had seen a hero in her. As Haku-chan stated, Danzaiver truly is the greatest hero ever X3 *holds a Danzaiver plushie*

It is a complicated relationship, though, as Danzaiver said, in a relationship you have to be totally committed both physically, mentally, and emotionally, and with so much responsibility on Danzaiver's hands, he wouldn't be able to devote all of his heart to her, and he knows this, and he explains that he couldn't love her because he empathizes with the fact that Haku has been hurt many times in her life, and he didn't want to instigate old wounds or make new ones. This was bitter sweet, and this facet of their relationship is just lovely, lovely, lovely, with the side dish of angst, which makes it all the more sweeter.

What's even more angsty is the fact of the inevitable demise of Danzaiver, and Haku knows it too, on a subconscious level. This opens up a new facet of their complicated relationship, and the passionate moment they had together was fluff-tastic.

Subliminal Message: Believe in the fluff.

Also, comments on the Chibi-Ake and friends!

Sqwee!

It's CUTE ^^ And the side commentary is pretty interesting. Teehee.

Anyways, final words?

Awesome work.

chibichocobo

What do you mean 'Superheroes never act upon vengeance or revenge'? Have you seen Batman or Spider-man? How about the Punisher?Anyway, I like how you tied in the flashback from the first part with the origin of Haku's powers. It was a nice mangaesque touch.However, you need to watch for those homonyms; there were several times when 'You're' was used instead of 'Your'. There were only a few spelling errors this time, so I'm not going to berate you on that. I'm really interested in where this is going. Keep writing!Peace out!

Wow; I can't believe I didn't realize you updated. Oh well...BTW, I hope I didn't start anything among your characters. It was only that one comment!Anyway, meh, I knew the mystery of Danzaiver's identity couldn't have been THAT obscure to Haku. So, when are you going to get into chapter numbers? I wonder how long the actual chapters are going to be...*sigh* Well, it's getting late. I should go.Keep writing!Peace out!

Yes another great chapter even though long your way of words and dioulboge kept me glued way better than the first chapter not saying it was bad. Danzaiver would be my ideal hero if i was a kid. No important errors seen by me. Keep up the good work hope the revison gets done soon cause i cant wait!

Sauske-kun.

Ah a very introsthing story indeed. As requested a read and i'm not really a freak about discriptions and grammer cause i like to imagine but with this here i didint have to do anything. Its a little long. for my suggestion break it down into 3 or two chapters. And the little ending chibi thing is very funny. Well off to the next chapter. See ya aroud on the messege board.

Sasuke-Kun (Real fictionpress name)

No! That wasn't flammage, that was just nitpicking! >.< Well anyway, for some reason, I've felt like I've seen this chapter a million times. Probably because this one takes place in the present, and it usually takes place in feudal Japan... For some odd reason, whenever I see Danzaiver in my head, I see Gohan as Saiyaman. Is that normal?In the last paragraph, there were two grammar errors, one pretty blatant: two capital letters in a sentence. The other was simply forgetting to place a space after a period. Meh...This was pretty good. The dialogue was a believable as I could imagine, except for the building-top scene which could have been improved just a little bit. But heck, I can't do any better with dialogue anyway...Keep posting these!Peace out!

Well, this is definitely a step up from last time...I thought the opening paragraph could've been a little better, particularly in the first two sentences. I think perhaps it was a little choppy, but that's me...Well, the grammar errors I spotted were simple comma errors, so you've improved there. It's just that comma errors are the most common mistakes to make. If you want, you can look through it again and try to find them.That one intro paragraph that explained Haku's past had something wrong with it:

"She was just four years old when one company her father refused a deal to hired a gang that changed the lives of two families. The sick child laid in a cold hospital bed breathing with the aid of a device she never even heard of before. The boy of the other car was not as seriously hurt as she had been. His parents though were killed just as hers was. Both orphans adopted by relatives."

First of all, the first sentence didn't have the correct word order for presentation. The best thing to do is to split it into two sentences. I guess if you want to go back and do that, you may.Second, there were just too many mary-sueish elements in that particular paragraph. I mean, in a manga, that has to hit sometime, but I don't think anyone can take the story seriously if it all happens in one blow.One really obvious spelling error: "She wondered to herself why her heart was beating so face." You may want to fix that one.Okay, enough with the nitpicking, now for the praising. There were a lot more details this time than in your last version. I didn't get lost at all reading this. What I liked was your similie usages throughout the story. Goodness knows I don't use any. (Well, at least, none come to mind...)I don't think there's any mystery as to who Danzaiver is, but since when has anyone ever failed to notice who the identity of a superhero is anyway?All in all, now I can see the true potential in this story. Please write this well throughout the entire thing. That would be great.I so totally agree with you! How could JKR kill him off? I was totally speechless when it happened. I guess it's all the more reason to buy the last one!Keep writing!Peace out!

Okay... Well, since you asked for help...I just read still2twisted's review for this, and I have to say I agree. There were numerous spelling/grammar errors within this first chapter. Also, more character descriptions would definitely be nice. I have to admit: I was completely lost for the first few paragraphs, because you introduced everyone (and everything) so quickly. It's like driving by a billboard at a hundred miles an hour, and trying to read what it says.My advice: go back through the story, slow it down a bit, and work more on the introduction. Don't be so hasty to get to the cool, dramatic superhero parts! Remember: The mark of a great manga writer is that the author doesn't let the readers know which part they like the best.Keep writing!Peace out!P.S.: I think I already know why they're after Kokoro. I thought it was a little obvious, unless of course I'm wrong...

Absolutely fantastic, I have only read the prologue and I'm hooked, line and sinker! All your characters are so well developed, almost makes me envious. ;_; . I'll be sure to return to read the rest of your work!

nya! gomen for the late review! I'm a lil tired, so, I'll just say the basics: awesome storyline so far, I'm anxious to see how stylized the action will become. I'm curious to see the rest of the story unfold, good luck writing!

~Sumi-chan; A whisper in the wind, my love...

hmn, sry I haven't been able to review lately! SCHOOL ISH EBIL! storywise, this is getting interesting, can't wait to read the next chappie :)

haha, well for a theme song, I'd think of something upbeat; I think people overused rap for themesongs down to the point where it isn't even rap anymore! techno's not really my type of music (unless we're dancing or something). I'd suggest pop, but I'm not the biggest pop fan. The best choices would probably be rap or pop (just as long as it's fast paced). oh, and voice actors...I have no clue @-@ lol, sry, can't help you there, I don't pay too much attention to voice actors. Though, two that seem to pop into mind would be using the voice of Kagome and Inu Yasha (from Inu Yasha =P) for Haku and Leiko. haha, just an idea ^-^ okie, on to the next chappie!

~Sumi-chan; A whisper in the wind, my love...

Goodness was that a long one! LOL! Well, here I am Ake (hope you don't mind if I call you that), to give the review that I promised to you last week. So, let's get started shall we. First off, this story of yours looks to be pretty good. It has an interesting plot and flows along smoothly. I do agree with Chibi-chan, though, about the lack of descriptive language for your characters. True, it is great to leave it up to the imagination of the readers, but not all readers have the same level of imagination. Also, you may wanto to go back over this chapter again for a little proofreading because I came across a few weird grammar mistakes that just seemed to stick out. Example:

("Haku!!" yelled Leiko as she ran down the hallway .He looked at his friends.)

The space in between the period is an obvious mistake that needs to be changed in order for people to take this story serious enough to continue to invest time into it. And that isn't the only one, there numerous others littered through out 'Danzavier no Densetsu'. You have to be careful about leaving those errors around, Ake. These days, readers will use ANY excuse they can not to read and review a story. As far as your characters go, they are interesting and diverse and I cannot wait to see how you develop them further. Oh yeah, I played 'Evil Zone' a long time ago when I had a Playstation, so I recognize the name of Danzavier! How cool is that?! That game was a blast! But my favorite character was Midori! She was just too awesome. Well, anyways, I hope that this review will aid you in making things better for this story of yours. You have the potential to become a good author, Ake. You just need to be a little more descriptive and little more aware of your writing. I will be back at a later date to review the other chapters, okay? Laters!

See you next review!

Terryll Preston, still2twisted of FictionPress fame...

You got a gamecube? I want an X-Box (Halo 2, baby!) *ahem* anyways, the chapter was cool (as always) thought I have a small suggestion. Don't put an author's note in the middle of the story, it interrupts the flow. Anyways, other then that, you got me to be realy annoyed at the Serpents (consider that a good characterization thing ^-^) and I want long hair like Haku... (random? maybe. weird? definately :P) Hope to see ya update soon!

~Sumi-chan; A whisper in the wind, my love...