That was... wow. Terrific. I dont have time to read more tonight, but I fully intend on it! Great job, beautiful flow and description of happenings. And the hryming didn't hurt, as it can when you try to force it (as I well know frommy own...) Keep writing!

Wow...this is very good. The words are moving, and I can feel the emotion in your poem. Also...I know Alyssa/Wissa-chan! We're friends from school. That's how I found you. =D Anyway, I'm looking foward to seeing more of your works. ^-^

Awsome story!

I love poems that tell a story with feeling, instead of just feelings. Plus, this is a great story.

Do one of two things. Make a story (not poem) out of this, or create more poems like this. Wow...that made my day.

nice rythem and story. I think there may be a grammatical error in the 1st stanzas 3rd line, and in stanza fifteen, I don't think the firt line flows into the second line coherenty.

I live a thousand lifeless lives;
I must endure my fate

best lines in the whole thing, and it was the last two ! good job dude, dont usually read poems NOT about depression, but this was a nice change from the norm, keep it up dude.

The King of the Assclowns

Wow! That was breathtaking and deep! I love it. This is a very exceptional poem. It also shows your flair in writing. It’s remarkable!
I’m sorry if my review is short, I’m just really tired and in need of sleep. (Lol)
The most notorious stalker of F.P.
The most perverted untouched virgin,
- Wicked Tongue

wow, you said this was based on a story? Awesome, sorta like a ballad^^ A story in a poem!
Keep writing!

Oh, I likey this! I don't sense anything missing at all! It's so good! The words got a nice flow, and the feeling is ever so perfectly eerie (fits your main characters, no?). Me likey and you no changeth my mind!
Audacity of the Flames

wow just wow

wow, i just finished reading this and oh my god this poem is awesome, I've read it twice now and I still love it, keep writing!
Zephyr Zaelza

@o@ ...I am shocked, and awed, and your abilities. I loved your poem, the flow...the story. You breathed life into it, and I could see the shape it took. ^^ I could see everything, and it was done so well... I liked especially how you made the beginning and ending the same in some ways, yet still made them different and unique. I don't think I've really read anything like this before, and I'm glad. It makes your work that much more special and beautiful. ^^ Au revior ma copine~! ^^