Mm, as was your other piece, very interesting. The only changes I would really have to point out that you should make in this is the start of your sentences. Though it's not as frequent as it could be, reusing the same word numerous time in a piece catches my attention. I noticed that you liked started your sentences with "I", which isn't bad, but it can get very redundant. Other than that, your articulation is great and your wording helps the flow of the story, rather than trying to make your story be the flow...if that makes sense...

Nice. Points for originality. :)

So good! I love your writing style. The words you use and your pacing is great. You motivate me to be a better writer. Keep writing, thanks!