I really liked the story, but the ending was not very strong. I felt like reading 38 chapters just to for them to kiss was almost a letdown. I'd love to see some development in their romantic relationship.
Your writing style is so entertaining, though. It's still worth it. :) Awesome!

I found this story off someone's favourites list and had a quick read of the first chapter... which was quickly followed by the next and so forth. I just got so drawn into Alora's life and narrative, I found myself reading the whole thing.

Mostly, I found Alora a rather charming girl and it wasn't until her flaws began to come out that I felt frustrated with her, not liking what I learned --but I quickly realised these are common flaws to have and there are no perfect humans, not even Drake Fearborn.

Mostly, I enjoyed seeing this story from her eyes and watching her grow. As Drake observed, she has no problem getting to where she wants to be... even if she really did have to go through a lot to get there, in actual fact.

Mostly, I began to see why people saw her and Drake looked good together and I did notice that he seemed nicer to her after some obscure point I cannot remember now, and yes, that he hardly ever turned her down. It was nice to watch his carefully controlled attraction to her from her oblivious perspective --always a good trick with writing, adding in observed points from the narrative character's perspective without laying out a conclusion but letting the reader see more into it than the narrative character did.

There were some things I noticed along the way, some I remember the chapters I saw them in and some not:

(Alora said) "How do you even know I'm an artist?" (But in the bookstore/music story, she practically snapped it at him; right after his explanation about html)

Chapter 9:
He shook his head a little. "You—an artist at heart without buco bucks—is eating lunch without a suit. That alone makes you weird." (She stormed out after this sentence but I didn't understand it at all nor saw what she might take offense from about it.)

Chapter 10:
Christmas was varied holiday for the Mooneys. Alora’s mother went to any party she came across, but could only manage to drag Mr. Mooney to a third of them.
(Her surname is Dorian, isn't it? And I only saw your Author Notes about the explanation much later on.)

Chapter 11:
girl of nineteen (You used this in description of Xander at the club but I know you already said she's 20)

The skirt was not full enough for her to slide into Drake's sporty little car that she kept forgetting the name of, and then she nearly closed the door on the contraption.
(This seemed like an odd observation because she identified it as a Porsche four times previously.)

Chapter 16:
Alora suddenly realized she did not know if he was right or left handed as he pressed buttons on her phone.
(I am certain that on one occasion at the coffee shop, she already observed he is ambidextrous like she is.)

Chapter 28:
"First, I worked for Kensington for several years with Brookes for several years.” (Sentence structure is repeated)

Lastly, at the movies she notices his BMW but you've repeatedly mentioned he drives a Porsche.

Mainly, I still love the story and it would just benefit from an editing job. Otherwise, I quite liked it despite the rather abrupt ending. I would have loved to hear more about the brother in prison and the family moving up --which you didn't mention again beyond the part where she asks him how the move is going. Alora also never met his sister and mother, and we don't get to find out how fantastic they are together or how it affects the office. These smaller looks into their lives always pleased me with your writing and I was looking forward to reading more, startled when I saw 38 was the last chapter. I mean, really, honestly startled.

Er, what I mean to say is that after 38 chapters it feels like the point of the story was to see Alora get her life back in order and kiss Drake --not a bad ending but with at least half of the story focused on her and Drake (and the other half, her life, which is solved and neatly tied at the end) the step made into a romantic relationship didn't feel so firmly resolved at the end. For such a lead-up and build up into getting them together, the kiss felt... lovely but not too climactic. So I do so hope you revisit these characters again.

If you do not, it's still been a good read and thank you for sharing this story on FP.

Hello! I seem to have found this story a while after you finished it. Well, I really liked Alora & Drake. They make an awesome couple.

However, I thought you ended it too suddenly. They've just finished their first date, but what happens after that? There were a lot of loose ends you left untied. Although it has been implied, we still don't really know for sure what Drake's feelings towards Alora are. Also, this is kind of irrelevant, but I'm curious about Drake's brother. I think this story needs a few more chapters, or at least an epilogue to tie everything together.

I enjoyed reading this, though! And I'd love to know what Drake looks like. :P

- Emi

What a super cute story!
I'm glad Drake & Alora didn't rush into anything. And even if they finally did get together at the end, they at least had major chemistry throughout the whole story.
I'd really love to read an epilogue for a few years or so of them into the future.

I love you story! But what happens? Do Drake and Alora live happily ever after or what? Are you going to have a sequel? What's your latest novel(that you're not posting on here) about? I ask alot of questions... Besides that, best story ever!

So cute!! You turned my brain into mush. I usually avoid romance stories, finding them imbecilic, especially published ones. But this was so sweet, down-to-earth, and... Gyah!

This story is absolutely great! You've developed the characters pretty well, and I'm glad to find that your story did not heavily revolve around the romance--instead, you focused on different aspects of their lives and the building of their relationship.

To make this story better, you should really clean it up. There are a lot of spelling and grammatical mistakes. Without them, your story would be even better.

Not only that, but I also feel as if you ended the story without resolving a few issues. What was the deal with Drake and his brother? And I suppose Drake's birthday passed (yet again, for the second year) without mention? Those were just the parts that caught my attention for the ending. And I wish you could add some resolution for us readers so we can see how Drake thought of the relationship. Anyway, great story! And continue writing!

I want to hear more about them. I absolutely loved this story. It was wonderful.

It's been a while since I've reviewed, but just wanted to let you know that I loved this story. The only issue I have with it (aside from the occasional grammar issue) is that the ending didn't feel like an ending. It was a good place to end, just where you left it, it sort of seemed as though it'd continue. Not that I'd mind if it did, heh.

Anyway, great story, loved it.

Aw, man! I missed contest ideas!

I can't believe it's over...wow! This was a very fun chapter to read - couldn't exactly have been any other way, really - and so full of fuzzy feelings and squishy smiles!

The nervousness before the date and during it for the first half of the chapter made me so happy [my favorite]; how could it be any other way between friends like that?

I'm all for childhood dreams of learning to fly.

Although I love the ending as it stands, I'm not content with thinking that's the last I'll see of them. It wouldn't have to be a formal epilogue, but I think any short piece written about them in the future [if you ever do such] would ideally be a little down the road. Like the 13th date or later - you know, for that warm reassurance of well-being and happiness one desires to see and feel for two beloved characters. And in that way, the story isn't ever really over.

Well, this was story was superb, DE. I really liked watching your handle on the characters and the art of writing grow and develop over these years. Well done, you! I'm so glad to have been able to read it all - thank you so much for posting! :)

The first three paragraphs of this chapter were just right to me. I like everything about them - what you included, how you wrote them, what wasn't said, and how perfectly emotionally realistic.

Favorite part was the girls' date in the coffee shop, and the reason why is what I've told you before. Beautifully done.

I'm reminded again in this chapter of how much I like your supporting characters; they truly do stand on their own feet. I love that my first instinct about them is not to think they exist only to push a plot point or drive home a particular idea. They are plausible friends, full of love and irritating qualities, and that is wonderful.

I had to laugh at the awkwardness during the please-say-you-like-me-too conversation! It was so endearing and just what I've been hoping for. Nothing dramatic or over-the-top, and I love that! Again, something I love about your writing in general. Detailed in the right way. I do wish I could read how Drake would have broached the topic of dating Alora if she hadn't hinted at her feelings first. I imagine it could go all kinds of ways.

The piece of advice handed out by Renee near the end reminded me of my classmate's mom who told her daughter how to go about marriage.

Did they get to go to the Ethiopian place?

Wonderful, as always. :)

I enjoyed this chapter very much! Quite possibly one of my most liked of them all. :)

I wonder about the food you include - have you had all of what you've written - or something similar? Those chicken salad sandwiches sound pretty out of control! And tasty. Hmm, and it's too bad Eliza didn't make an appearance earlier on in the story; I think she would do much better than the others at getting Alora to say things that are a bit like pulling teeth to her.

I love that Drake and Alora are so comfortable with each other; I had some fun imagining the shyness that must also be creeping up on the two of them - as it often does on people who are just beginning to tune in to just how much they like each other.

The last part - Alora's realization - was great. I especially liked the first sentence because it's just the kind of thing I love about your writing. I could hear it, feel it, and see it, even if the details on her particular flowered bedspread are a little fuzzy.

All in all, there were many details you wrote in here that put small smiles on my face!

"Their friendship suddenly seemed so one-sided—and perhaps it was, as far as what they shared was concerned." This is just what I was thinking of in one of my previous reviews - in regards to the pacing and at times wishing for more.

It's a bit startling to read about Drake's family, and if that's the intended effect, it's right. Does the mention here mean they will show up in the last couple of chapters? I hope so. The juxtaposition of a main character against his or her family is always very interesting - and I think you would be able to write it very well, too - that is, I imagine many shades and nuances and the essence of Drake would make themselves known without being explicitly written.

Blind dates, eh? I suppose friends can be like that. I liked Alora's thought on an attractive person agreeing to a blind date - such a normal thought - and the paragraph in which it is written is the bit I enjoyed most. I could see and hear it happen. I also like the Drake and Alora's verbal confirmation of the horrible first impression each had on the other. :)

Great chapter!

Ahh, I loved it! Hahah! I am full to bursting with exclamations right now.

Alora was surprisingly charming with Mr Brooks and not at all tongue-tied like I would have imagined her to be! What a great way to start off the chapter.

YES, Willibard! His appearance made me laugh, and the thought of dancing with the likes of him made me cringe a little inside. Poor thing. Loved the new people you added in this chapter; the extra spice at the ball was just right, and I could really believe that Alora was enjoying herself a little. The suit was very interesting here, too - too bad Alora is a bit oblivious. Just how I liked how you wrote the flurry of pre-ball jitters and activity, I really enjoyed the settling post-ball scene; in fact, I think it's my favorite part. I love how you turned something as mundane as winding down and getting ready for bed into prime character time. It's consistently one of the things I love best about your story, and it's definitely one of your strengths.

And props on the dinner menu at the ball - delicious!

[I suspect I may be leaving some mistakes in the wake of my reviews, but hopefully they still make sense! Of course, there are also heaps of things I'm not saying that I really want/could/should but have forgotten to mention!]

"...but she thought it was not right to come to a theatre without snacks." Agreed. I really hope you, Miss DE, have sneaked KFC in a backpack into the movies because that would truly full of win.

I cannot handle the cuteness that abounds in this chapter! Two informal dates with these two? I mean, I am probably blushing from the secondhand cuteness I've just experienced. Perhaps this is when weekly updates are a good thing. Aww!

Beyond all that, my most-liked part is when Alora spots Drake as she arrives at the theater. He really is a lonely character in many ways, even though you've done a wonderful job at not really making us remember as much, thanks to his interaction with Alora. It makes me all the more glad for the effort both of your characters have put forth in moving forward as friends - and hopefully more! :)

This chapter also made me feel very content with the pacing of the story. There were times during which I wished for more, but the realism of a typically slow turning of a friendship and affection is showcased really beautifully here.

On another note, I like how Renee's look for the evening was described. Sounds much more grown-up and elegant than overtly showy - the latter is what I would have expected of her. Kat acting as the proud parent before the big dance was spot-on, too. It made me smile. :)