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Reviews For: Furious Demons Script
darkess-knight 2004-11-24 . chapter 3
"Jacen disarms Ante of her sais, then follows her to the clearing where Lucifer died."

Shouldn't this read 'Jacen disarms Ante of HIS sais, then follows HIM to the clearing where Lucifer died"?

I like the ending you've chosen... really does work with what's going on here. Also, I was thinking... a little more dialogue/backstory might help your story. It lets the audience get to know your characters better, so we can understand why they're doing what their doing, which ultimately makes your story a lot more effective. Just a thought. But I like the direction this is going.
Brittany 2004-10-24 . chapter 2
ok, first of all I was confused by the first scene. It says Josh and Megan are alone when they're confronted by Lucifer, but then it says Jacen and Vikki are the ones fighting him. Also, they fight on a street, but later it says Lucifer died in a clearing. And why would Lucifer's other sword still be there after seven years? Is it some mystical thing were noone else has been able to move it or it's been hidden by ivy or something?
Other than the Lucifer confusion, I'd like to know why Vikki turned bad. I can understand if you're going for the subtext, but even so you need to clear up whether she became corrupted over time or was changed by a specific event, and if it was a specific event give some hints toward why or what made her change. You don't have to make it obvious or even clear, but you do need to show there's something, even if the viewer doesn't know what it is.
For the first scene, try making Jacen's lines a bit less melodramatic, though I've got nothing against them being emotional. Megan's lines are good, but Jacen's "I'm coming for you, Viki" is extremely cheesy.
Second scene: Josh should have a moment where he realizes Megan's dead. He goes from thinking she's ok right into telling Jacen not to go fight Viki. I suppose you could use some nice directing to make the realization not include dialogue though. If you don't want him to realize she's dead until Jacen says it then just move my realization note down to that part. Why has Jacen been avoiding Viki for seven years? It leads me to believe she turned bad because of Lucifer, and if that's the case you should hint towards what he did/what about the fight turned her.
"Then I guess I'll just have to move really fast."
I love that line.
Another thing to note is that they tend to say each other's names alot. I understand in the beginning when you need them to so the viewer knows who's who, but after that it's kinda weird. For example, the whole skills and ethics lines work fine without the characters names at the end. Again, if you have some directing choice with this that makes it work, like they're mocking each other or something, then forget what I said and go with what you feel is best.
In scene two Jacen says all he needs is his sword and Viki's blade, but he never ends up using Viki's blade, does he? It wasn't very clear from the script, so I could be wrong.
Ok, finally I'm at the endings. The first one, while reminding me of FFX for some reason, seems kind of weird because why would all their weapons suddenly be together? It's make more sense if maybe every character was engulfed in white light and then all their weapons were together, because then you could blame it all on mystical teleportation/symbolism. The second one is the one I like the best at the moment, the only little directing thing I'd add is it'd be cool if you had Jacen close his eyes, then after he opens them again Josh and Megan are walking towards him. Yeah, me being directing obsessive, ignore if you feel you have something better. The third one is just kind of depressing, but (again with the directing) if you film it right and give the sense that he's at peace, then it could work.
Ok, that's all, I don't think I forgot anything... If you have any questions about my comments just ask.
darkess-knight 2004-10-24 . chapter 2
I like ending #1. I think it fits better with the whole theme you have going here.
Josh: What if they have guns? We've established that she's changed, maybe she's gotten sick of the ninja-kung fu-martial arts we're all addicted to.
This line right here? My recommendation would be to change it to this:
Josh: What if they have guns? We've established that she's changed. She could have moved past the martial arts we always used to use.
I really like what you have here, but just a thought: if I hadn't read the summary, the plot might be somewhat confusing, so if you could put more of the backstory into your movie, I think that would make it a lot better.
But this is wonderful so far!
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