I can rip pages out of a Lovecraft novel too, does that make me a horror author now?

It's obvious that Lovecraft is who you're trying to emulate, and you fail at it, miserably. At least Lovecraft managed to write sentences that, as weird as they were, made sense, you on the other hand make little-to-no sense most of the time and all I can really ever get out of your pretentious prose is a mangled heap of a whole lot of nothing.

And about your so-called "horror" I've read scarier things in a computer manual than in this story.

No offense, but don't quit your day job. You repeat words too often in description and do not expand into use of more colorful metaphors in order to paint your mental picture.

So good, so good. I live in Florida, near a relatively swampy area, so I can relate to this story. I love this creature. I could easily see this as a movie.

Awesome in it's taking an already frightening creature to a completely different level. I'd love to see this concept turned into a movie...needless to say I would own the DVD as soon as it touched the shelves.

Another mental mind ** from the twisted imagination of the infamous Nickolaus Pacione.

This story sure doesn't put me in the mood to go anywhere near water! An obvious tribute to Jaws here. Good job on the whole mood and setting but I think it would have been a better idea to format it with spaces between paragraphs so it's easier to read.

I wanted to read the whole way through this, I really did. You had a great opening line, but unfortunately it went downhill from there. Your punctuation is awful and you skip tenses, something which is disorientating in the best of stories. You blatantly contradict yourself in some sentences and it's often difficult to make heads or tails of what's going on. From what I read I truly feel that you have a good idea there, but you haven't carried it out brilliantly.

This is Infamous Writer, or Kyle, whichever you prefer. I've decided to review this again with a bit of advice on how you can improve. I hope you don't tell me off or anything just because I'm trying to help you out, not attacking you as a person. Most people have been misleaded and seen the wrong side of you just because they tried to help you improve as a writer, even if it was with flames and harsh reviews. I'm fortunate to have met the good side of Nickolaus Pacione, not the side that harshly reviews any story written by a slash fiction writer.

Most of your stories have an interesting premise that could be displayed wonderfully, but your word choice and lack of impeccable style stands in the way. Now I'm not the perfect writer either, but these grammatical errors that are redundantly written really stand in the way of thoroughly enjoying one of your stories. At times you also have run-ons; maybe you could shorten those sentences a bit?

It would be nice to see all of your stories reworked into polished ones, if that will be possible. Your style does take a bit of getting used to, and it's good that you have your own unique way, but when writing a story try to write it with better care. I really do hope you know what I mean what I say all this.

Please don't harp on me. I've read about all of these things people have said you have done and don't really agree with what occured, but then again I don't know the whole story. All I'm saying is that if you are moderately kind to others, even if they don't believe in what you believe, you will succeed in receiving at least some form of respect.

Now this story is good, and so are your other ones, but they're not the best. Like what Will (bleeding Sorrow) said in his review: you have to listen what other people say. From what I've seen, whenever you receive a flame or some constructive criticism you explode with curses and such. All the critiquer has been trying to do is help you out.

I know you might be angry at this, coming from one of your "proteges" as you have called me, but I do think you can be a lot better as a writer and as a person, from what I've read people say. Like I said, I'm very fortunate to only see one side of Nickolaus Pacione, and I dread the other side of you. I'm just delivering a bit of help, since Will tried but was unsuccessful at getting through to you.

Hey- I never mentioned this in any of my reviews I've given you. I was not horrified, and frankly it didn't work for me. Your sentences are awkward and I felt you were trying too hard. You aren't the worst writer, but your not the best writer either. You need help on how to write better, because most of your works are so grammatically bad that you need to re-write them. WHy don't you ever listen to anyone who gives advice? You don't bother to listen, you just throw a tantrum whenever someone doesn't like your work. I tried to help you, but you insist on ignoring what I have to say.

You can continue to write, but don't expect vapid praise from people.

I only read about two paragraphs of this...this, until my eyes started bleeding and my keyboard up and raped itself. Now, this story would be a lot bette if I knew:a) What the hell was going onb) Why I should careSeriously, there's no feeling because the description is vague and very...well, it's not descriptive. The sudden urge to tell you to throw your computer out of the window and never darken the internet with your prescence ever, ever again comes naturally to me, but I'll fight it and make nice. You need to re-write this. In all honesty, the style isn't working. It's blank. It's grey, and I don't enjoy reading it. I'm not sure that you're very...'good' for horror, either. Try something new, and you might be surprised if your writing changes for the better.~Lilith, The Resident Comment **

Could be an interesting story, but your writing style mucks it up. Your sentences are have akward phrasing, and your verb tenses are all over the place.

As I've said before, this is probably your best story. I'm surprised you put it up here. I enjoyed the premise and was surprised how it turned out in the end since I did not finish all the way when you were in the stages of writing this. Good job.

Cool, this sort of reminded me of your 'Lake Fossil' story. Its very good as usual, what else do we expect from you? Although the length of the story made me skim read sometimes, perhaps you should chapterize it (if thats a word)
~JD

Sorry I've not been commenting for a while, I've been quite subdued as of late.
Anyway! You've almost outdone yourself on this one, my friend. It keeps my attention through it all, something I like in a short story. You've improved quite a bit since the first story of yours I read.