I have to read the rest l8er but so far it brill I wish I could write this well but I only wrote one story and no ones reviews it so I guess it was awful

I just read your first 2 chapters, and this is one of the few stories I've found that really grips me. The story is imaginative, and you handle streams of consciousness well for third person. Make sure you develop the characters carefully, and this should be good. There were a few mistakes, for example 'why. why me.' needs question marks. Just check over it. Overall though, keep up the good work.