This is not that bad, it is a very interesting idea to say at the list. I appreciate your two appendixes, they help you understand the story :P

But by golly, English is your FOURTH? language? What other languages are you fluent in?

Daystorm Mage

Hi, I'm back! You have a very different writing style. It doesn't sound like a novel but more like a, if it's possible, a poetic screenplay -- which is a good thing! This chapter has a desperate feel to it. It sounds very sad and powerful at times. I hope you keep posting. Thanks for the glossary of characters and language. It is much appreciated.

Hello again. Quite tense with the ivsion and all but I really must go back and re-read some to get all the characters straight in my head. By the way, I meant *pronounciation guide* in my last comment... my horrid typing skills have prevailed yet again. The names you have invented are quite interesting and they really add to the atmosphere of the story. I'm not sure if I already mentioned that. I only caught some punctuation errors... "What is it" for example but then again my stuff is probably littered with mistakes. I hope you update your works soon and that more people review :-). - Sarika

Hi! Interesting beginning and the names are quite interesting. Maybe you should have pronounciation guie ^_^ I will move on to the next chapter.
- Sarika

I like it :) The only thing I can suggest is your names are a bit hard to pronounce and remember but besides that I like it:)
P.S. I'm knew to fp so could you R&R me please. thre are some grammer mistaces but i plan to fix that:)