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| DeceranPlane 2007-07-23 ch 4,   | you have a very good story/idea here. there aren't too many things wrong with it, but one suggestion i could make would be to compress your chapters. all of these up to this point could be one chapter since it's all in the same general time sphere. and the dialog is great, but you may not want to bring on all the talk of war and how it's affected Alastair and Kate all at once. you could even show how its affected the Al through actions like you did with Kate. other than that it's looking really good!! update soon :) |
| Liz 2005-02-17 ch 4, | Interesting so far |
| Nichole Sedai 2005-02-16 ch 4, | Hm . . . I still like it, and I still want to know what happens next, but I'm having this strange urge to wait for a few more chapters before I go into any extensive commentary. I'm sorry; I know that doesn't really help you any. Know that I'm intrigued and I'm still here, but I'd really like to hold off on commenting more than to say that much. Update soon! |
| RaijaD 2005-02-16 ch 4, | My mighty REVIEW POWER strikes again. I like it! I think you're doing a fine job thinking as the character. Very post-traumaticy indeed. Everyone seems to be having a hard time...hmm...I suppose we will hear more about this. Yes. Writing. Good. |
| Nichole Sedai 2005-02-14 ch 3, | Well, of course he doesn't necessarily WANT to go, but perhaps it will do him some good, too. The absolute sorrow and depression delights me! Or rather, your portrayal of it delights me. I'm not happy that they're sad, just pleased that this isn't (or doesn't seem to be) your typical happy-go-lucky fantasy story. It has a depth not commonly found in any story, and yet the meanings that can be found in such depth are more profound because they are so rare. In any case, despite the fact that you only just barely updated (twice) . . . Update soon! |
| Nichole Sedai 2005-02-14 ch 2, | Somehow I missed this story when you posted the first chapter. I love it. The realism, the angst. I love angst/tragedy. I particularly like this story because of the realistic portrayal of the war veteran's thoughts. He is obviously quite distraught and traumatized (neither of those is the word I'm looking for, but they get the point across--like post-traumatic stress disorder), and his thoughts betray him. The first chapter was brilliant. |