|Reviews for English Assignments|
| PearlinTheMist 8/14/05 . chapter 6
wow... wow... you should be published. Your stories and poems are so ethereal. what's... what's your name? You are the most tallented writer I've seen on FP so far, and that's not just some careless compliment. I am amazed.
| PearlinTheMist 8/14/05 . chapter 3
wow, ok, no more reviews till I finish. I tend to write too many reviews, sorry-ness
| PearlinTheMist 8/14/05 . chapter 2
great poetry, should not this be K though? I'm not critisizing the poem by any means, just curious about the rating. ch. 3 now! yay!
| PearlinTheMist 8/14/05 . chapter 1
ok, I have to read all your stories now. We don't do alot of creative writing at school so I compensate for that by writing all through 2 other classes. (not English and not chorus. the other 2 are my writin
| Varion 7/1/05 . chapter 1
Asa, As I understand it you are asking me if you could submit this poem. The answer, of course. The only stipulation that they have is that the poem must be 24 lines or shorter. They may have asked for iambic pentameter or something as well, you'd have to check. Right, criticism, well, I find the word peace repetitive. I know it is the focus of the poem, but it is such an important word, perhaps you should say it less to make its impact greater when you do say it. I have read this poem before, I just don't like critiquing poetry, so I didn't. You might strive to maintain the short punchy lines that you have in the poem initially. Five and six syllable lines have a lot of force. You might also want to reorganize it slightly to grow to a point. Build line length until the end, then end on a single or double syllable line. Those are just ideas. It has a very good idea, and should be said and I think you can say it better than you have, if you feel it is worth your time and effort to work on , you asked for this. Don't flame me.
| Debs 6/30/05 . chapter 6
Zev, if this is yours. it is wonderful, sorry had to change a diaper, and then forgot to go back on but great job...
| Aelaris 5/25/05 . chapter 6
Very good. I certainly hope you continue both these stories. I might note that the wordage of what happened is sometimes rather vague. Like in Act 2(I ain't Shakespeare) You said "...pretty leaf. Then she disappeared." at the end of the seventh paragraph. I thought she had disappeared down the road. Small things like that mostly. Avoid confusion. (AND WRITE MORE)
| earthie you know who I am 4/19/05 . chapter 6
Hum..."myalin", huh? Sounds familiar though i can't quite place it...hmm, peculiar (or however you spell it). have you used that name before?Act1p2: I would say "and with" to make it 1p5: How can no one know there's a far corner to the palace grounds? That's like saying no one knew there was a eastern border to a country. Maybe you mean no one knew that that particular spot or cove was there?Act2: Ooh Ooh! Very interesting! Me likes!Act3: Hey, I recognize this...this is from "the last happy thing I every wrote", isn't it? Yay that you've expanded it! _Act3p9: "before too long after that dance" - try "not" instead of "before"Act3 next-to-last p: Is the rock in her throne? Otherwise, why is she sitting on it?Act4p19: "cupped hands"? How big is this fairy? I assumed she was human sized!Act4p20: Ah. I suppose th fairy is 2 handspans tall. That was a bit confusing at p: "no suitors", not "not suitors" I think. Cute ending!yay, this is very good. The only thing is at first it reads a little...flat, like someone just dictating what's occuring. It picks up by the third act though. Anyway, this is very cute and I like it a lot! good job!
| Queen of the Dragons 3/15/05 . chapter 5
CONTINUE IT! I wanna know if she disobeys her parents! You should make this a separate story and keep writing about SW. Its really good. Again, i have nothing to criticize *disappointment*.
| Queen of the Dragons 3/15/05 . chapter 4
Neat. And very cute. Couldn't see anything wrong with it though *disappointed*. Keep it up!
| earthie 2/26/05 . chapter 3
how have i not read these before now? i know not...anyway, this poem reflects "death" a lot, specially the last two lines. okay, i am going to bed now so goodnight z...
| earthie 2/26/05 . chapter 4
Oh! Rene-ah and soren get married! me likes! _ yayayayayay...yeah, this kind of idyllic little scene makes me hyper. _
| earthsong12 2/26/05 . chapter 5
yo yo, this is cool except - i don't get it. -_- what are the masters of the web? I mean, i could guess, but from sophie's reaction she seems to know exactly who they are. but i don't. also, what do you have to *do* for the cologmerate contest? write something? or give a talk? or just say how the things are connected? or what? Also, when she tells her mother "She hates me!" who is the 'she'? the teacher? and then when she says "If I collaborate with someone, and she gets an A, I get a B-!" is it the same she? or is it her partner? its a bit unclear. and also, what happens in the end? i mean, i know she gets back in, but how? i know you said you had to cut it short, but if you do ever write an epilogue i would be grateful.
criticisms aside, this was well written, chock full of your usual awesome vocabulary, and very interesting. so good job!
hope i wasn't too harsh up there..._ And I COMPLETELY agree with you - quickedit has ruined my stories! ;_; I can't do faces like that anymore, i have to use ;)'s. it's so depressing... *sigh*
I miss emailing you. hope production goes well! earthie
| Queen of the Dragons 11/23/04 . chapter 3
Again, interesting style, definitely worth puttin up.-"NEE!"-Your Queen
| Queen of the Dragons 11/23/04 . chapter 2
It's got feeling. Very interesting philosophy. KEEP WRITING!-"NEE!"-Your Queen