Terra Tigra
2004-11-25
ch 1,  | abuseAww, how sweet. I love things about reality and fantasy, you did a very good job of giving them faces. I like the story, too. Sad, tho it is. I like how you kept it free style for the most part but made it flow very well. I felt there was soemthing aboutt his line that threw off the flow a little, "There were sparks in your eyes like electricity..." Metaphors and similes are good but I don't think it fits here. Maybe another way of putting it??Otherwise, I really liked this, Wat to go! ;)Arrivederci!-Terra Tigra- |
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