Well seems to be building up to a great battle.

It seems what you show in this chapter is that it's still sort of a sport in a sense. And the players have both friendships and rivalries with each other.Like Taiven's friendly talk with Sarah and co.

I feel the main characters are all developing nicely with some of their pasts tieing in, some coming back to haunt them...

Very well written story wise , can't wait for more

I think chapter could be a climax to something very big. It's nice that this chapter revolved around of lot of the characters making the story wider. However it is a little hard to imagine the clothing some of them wear. For example, Anya's cloak. No offense but when I try to imagine it, I keep getting a Red Riding Hood type cloak with a cute cat on the back. That's probably how it's not supposed to come out though. Clothing is not one of the things that need an elaborate description all the time but it can help. Other than that, keep writing.

Woah... Lots of plot starters and developements here, very intriguing. Looks like Nightdragon has a very unexplained past with his team.

Drake's relationship with Sarah is going on very nicely ^^ Love-interest? Whether it is or not, it is certainly shaping up into a very strong relationship, especially with that gesture of that coat.

Overall, really great! Especially on Janus and the backstory of his company. Feel a bit sorry for Mr. Macbeth though. ^_^

Raidan's so cool! Drake as well! ^_^ I am almost hoping to see the two innocents meet, outside of the SDL, and get along. ^.- Lots of amusing thought in that alright.

It's nice seeing all the different teams and different characters/stragies coming into the scene.

Outside of the arena, we can see that they're all involved in their own desires. There's the feeling of the perparation for battle, of which they haven't really been any...yet...

Just a couple of things, seems you need to make the separation in 'scenes' more apparent, and there's the little thing about raiden.He's deaf, but I think you have Night's explination about him 'hearing' Anya's movements. Well, perhaps it's just instinct to say 'hearing' when Raiden is really sensing the movements.

Still, it's looking good and has me very interested!

Very nice :). This chapter delves deeper into the characters and their emotions. This is very impressive. A few grammar errors (I'm not referring to Drake's speech, which is a very good touch, by the way :)), but overall, very, very nice.

Keep up the good work :)

It becomes quite apparent that a lot of the higher ups of both corporations are out for their own gain, with the Shadow Drivers below them just being the pawns in all this.Hm, to a lesser degree, that seems to be the way some orginizations work even now.

This chapter does pretty well in showing the 'other side', with Nightdragon's own prediciment. In a way, he's not too unlike the others, fighting for survival, just that he has a different way of expressing things.The glimpse we get of him shows one with a dark & scarred past. Possibly one he can't get rid of.

Raiden too makes an interesting character, one not too unlike Drake in a way...

It's good that you've developed both corps by introducing their own sets of problems and sentimental feelings. Looking forward to more stuff in the future! *Runs to order a pizza*

So I finally meet the famed NightDragon ^-^

A much deeper character than what I had expected. There is a lot of emotional depth behind what he is now, and I can only guess what had happened. The way he conversed with Elisa was warm, if slightly distant on NightDragon's part. He is getting colder and more emotionally distant, and I wonder why. At least he is not totally cut off from Elisa.

Elisa is a very kind and gentle person, I am willing to bet. She fits into the typical female scientist, but with a subtle twist that brings her out from the norm and into originality and intrigues the reader. What talents did she have that we do not know, apart from the already extremely interesting telepathy and sound vibration sensing? A very mysterious, yet bright, character. ^-^

Expandable prototype, huh? Nice turn of phrase. ^-^ It just struck me as a very memorable word pair, since prototypes are usually kept under tight secrecy and guarded closely, yet this one is expandable. Indicator of good grasp on the language, this is.

Using sound similar to the way sonar works (sound waves bouncing off objects back to the person), in nature is called “echolocation”. Sensing how the waves move; so that’s how Raidan gets around. Never thought of such a good idea… And he wouldn’t be burdened by having sensory overload by too loud a sound. ^-^ In fact, it would be much clearer for him. Still, he would have to depend on outside sources of sound, since he wouldn’t be able to generate it himself, being mute and all. Then again, there are few places totally bereft of sound.

He strikes me as startlingly similar to Drake, yet distinctly different at the same time. Both have this ‘innocence’ that makes the reader feel sympathy for them. In Drake’s case, this is because he is literally that way, ignorant of a lot of things. For Raidan, it is drawn from the way he talks to NightDragon, as if the latter were his father. The relationship between the two is, paradoxically enough, a saddening yet uplifting one. Both Raidan and Drake find support in their lives in one person close to them: Drake – Sarah, Raidan – NightDragon. They are disabled, but in differing ways. Drake is crippled by loss of memory, while Raidan is sensory-challenged.

Both characters are parallels of each other. If they meet under circumstances not requiring them to fight, I think the two of them would actually become quite good friends. Pity it is not likely to happen.

Petrov – the disgustingly rich and obnoxious company leader. ^_^ That’s the feeling I got from him. Minute details like the cigar, and the way he refers to Raidan so derogatorily bring out this imagery so clearly. Clearly like Janus, in the way that he is power-hungry and likes the remain at the top, he is very different in mannerisms and actions. Now that I think back to the chess match between the two, it shows up their differences even more clearly. Heck, I like Janus better than I like Petrov. NightDragon’s view of him is clearly one I agree with.

Characterisation is perfect! The interactions between them are cleverly brought up, and depth is hinted at, leaving lots of room for future development if necessary. Language is quite good, but just a note: “it’s” is an abbreviation for “it is”. So when describing the smell of the smoke from the cigar, it is written as “its smoke was disgusting”, not “it’s smoke was disgusting”. Think about it as “it is”, rather than “its”. This is a very common mistake I find everywhere in everyone. I get it every now and then too. Of course, for making something belong to another subject is also using the “ ‘s ”, but it doesn’t always apply to the word “it”. Peter’s ball, Jane’s toy, its stench, are just some examples. ^_^

Great work! ^_^ Can’t wait for the battles to start! ^-^ Hehe… I still have no idea how Raidan fights though.

Well this is really interesting. I like how Drake loses his memory. It prevents a character from being too powerful or like an omnipotent. The story would be boring if he still had his memory.

Excellent! There's some needed comas missing, but I can't elaborate now because my brother is bugging me to get off the computer.So adios!

Janus is a really good business fellow, alright. If he were in this world, he would probably have clawed his way into CEO or even presidency. You really do characterisation really well, especially in bringing out the personalities. ^-^

I especially like Janus' speech. It's polite, perfectly calm and yet, it provides emotional depth; eg. when he got irritated with Sarah, you could tell that he was angry, yet his words were normal for a businessman on a normal everyday trip. ^-^

Heavens, I would just love to have Janus as a loyal employee! ^-^

Riku's and Sarah's characters are more in-depth now, and both have more personality. Riku's the supportive one, who provides both emotional and physical support for Sarah, while she's the ballistic one. ^-^ Good idea for having a team like this. I can see why they make a good one, so cohesive and concerned. ^-^

Drake's really easily dsitracted and amused, huh? ^-^ He's just cute, in his speech and his mannerisms. Yet, he has a sort of maturity, especially in the beginning. Seems like he exhibits some adult-like thinking when he is under stress or in danger, but lapses into child-likeness when he is in normal everyday situations. Good luck, Sarah. I think she's going to have a big problem trying to expose him to the harshness of the real world (though it would be his second time. ^-^)

Just one thing: In chapter I, Sarah is referred to as blue-haired. However, here, it is mentioned that her hair changed colour from "normal-dirty blonde". Just a note.^.-

Provides a little look at the harshness of this particualr place. Seems Sarah might have a little trouble for a while too.

A little note is that it doesn't say when I character has reverted to normal/shadow forms, though you can somewhat tell.

Seems you've done up this one quite nicely!I think this one should be pretty interesting, having a character 'find his own past', and in this case adapt to his form as well.

Wow, very interesting! A tip, though, after someone speaks, write something like "Janis said" or "Drake replied" or things like that. It can get kind of confusing. A few spelling mistakes, but this overall is really great! I'm looking forward to more of this story XD