the ending feels as if its missing something my guess is that i dont know how it happened also it is agreed to be my favorite scene as well but still waiting for the Rise of Evil
to be complete side note feel as if the first chapter of
Rise of Evil gave away a little to much and removed the hook from my mouth but if you read on the hook comes back with revenge like no other

I have to spiol everything i read! I love to read the end of books after i have read the first few chapters and then go back and read the whole thing! I am trying to train myself out of this habbit but... You just so nicely put up the end for me, How could I resist? So... Now you need to finish the rest of the story so that I can read through the whole story (again) ^~^!

Wow, that was impressive Juma, it seems quite different to your other stories and you poured more emotions into. Like the previous reviewer said, this line -Zephyr stumbled back in pain as his wound consumed his very soul – the essence of his life. Was an excellent choice.

oy zephy dat wuz realli good REALLI REALLI GOOD *applause* lol keep up da oogd wk

lol :) lemon

It's a very emotional ending. Your dialogue is (like in the rest of the story) intelligent, yet believable. I have two other comments: I don't know the extent of his wounds since you don't have the battle scene that preceded this up yet, but I found it hard to believe that he could stand up? It shows his determination, though, that he would do that despite the pain involved.

The other thing I'd like to say is that I think the line "Zephyr stumbled back in pain as his wound consumed his very soul – the essence of his life" is a little melodramatic. I know you don't want to go into a graphic description of how it is hurting him to stand, but maybe you could change this a little?

Just a suggestion. :P

Ok, one final comment: I really like how you end the story with "They met in another kiss; their final kiss." You don't directly say that he dies. Putting the bit about the kiss emphasizes its importance, and I think it works well with your story that their love is the most important thing, not his death.

I was very moved, even though this is just a fragment. :) Good job, Juma. :)