FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Isarandel 2004-12-14 ch 5,  | abuse*eyes widening...widening...widening...*wow. Didn't know you have such wonderful ideas of talking dogs!greta chapter!! ;) |
| Isarandel 2004-12-06 ch 3, | abusecool~Vampy and angies~ ^_^ |
| jocelynxx 2004-12-05 ch 2, | abuseI really am enjoying this story so far, though I would really like to know how Matt's grandmother died. Keep writing! |
| Isarandel 2004-12-04 ch 1, | abusecool.wonder how it would go. ^_^ |
| Xenila Poe 2004-12-02 ch 1, | abuseWell, grammar, and on some of the dialgoue you simply put "Peter" instead of Peter said, or Peter exclaimed. Peter has to do something, he can't just exist unattached. The story is good, the idea, but working in the incorporation of more colorful adjectives would be a preferable. ie: I lifted my tired head from my self-vandalized school desk, and gave a slow grunt to the loud(,)or(and) annoying voice beside me. This sentence should be in quotes, "Man, can’t Motoko see I am sleeping." Or if it's something that your chacter is thinking than you need to state that: Man, can't Motoko see I'm sleeping, I thought wearily. Thats for starters, run with it... Personally the way I better my writing is by reading other peoples and that way I get exposed to new vocabulary and styles. |