Here's some Food For Thought:

This little publication of yours is somewhat similar to a series that I had been working on. Perhaps, I could offer some advice since I've some experience in this field of writing. First and foremost, I'll discuss some of the grammatical errors that I've encountered during my reading.

"Everything was

controlled by them, even if you would live or die… The group Edge had tried to lead a revolution..."

The ellipses between "die" and "The" is not needed. You could just end the sentence right there and continue on.

"Now a new group called ** had arisen, but what are their true motives?"

Well, I'm not sure if the sentence structure was intended or not... either way, it's incorrectly written. The story appears to have been written in the past tense, which is fine. Therefore, shouldn't "but what ARE their true motives?" be changed to "but what WERE their true motives?"

Okay, enough about grammar, let's get to the SOUL of the story. I'm going to suggest this ONE change because I hate telling people how to write... it bothers me.

Thought Of The Day: Try to limit the use of similes down to "one per paragraph" or, preferrably, "one per chapter". Personally, I use similes "once per several chapters". I find that similes, when used in succession, often lose their power. Of course, it's only a suggestion and you should do what you please. Example:

("Black clouds let loose a barrage of cold raindrops which fell upon the city like tears from the sky. Lighting bolts streaked across the sky like a cheetah across the savannah.")

The Overall Critique: A story like this one has a lot of potential and, with the right Beta reader(s), could become an addictive thrill ride for many to enjoy. But, you need to take care of the technical stuff like grammar, first. I hope you weren't offended by any suggestion or comment I made because I love to see progress among new and exciting stories.

** This message was made possible by a grant from the Xantek Corporation. **