"The only way he can do what he wants/is to do it in front of an audience."

My favourite line, the rest was just gravy! I love your narrative voice, you capture the carefree pulse of jazz music without even a distinct rhythm. Somehow the piece just flows and I can't detect why, one of the reasons I love Jazz. Great read, thrilled me.


Jack

So, APPARENTLY, I haven't reviewed to this. Even after it's been on my "Author Alert" list for God knows how long. This piece, or pieces, rather, are beautiful. The words flow and the whole thing is just amazing. It makes me sad that you haven't updated in a REALLY long time.

Oh, well, I suppose I shall just have to deal with my depression.

If you ever don't know what to write, I suggest taking this one up again. It's beautiful and amazing and I could keep going, but I suppose you get the point just about now. (:

Much love,
Avey

intoxicating...

Love it

I LOve this story, i really do Yo

You're getting close to Ginsberg, my friend.

I everything all of this. So much.

~Effervescent-Sentiments

The first, second, and last stanzas aren't as strong as the middle two; I think the issue is too many words and not enough snappy imagery. Still wonderful, of course. Here I am, trying my hand at critiquing wonderful.

~Effervescent-Sentiments

Ah, your prose is like poetry. (: Like Janet Fitch, my favorite author. My favorite style. My favorite.

~Effervescent-Sentiments

There are so many individual lines that I love in this poem that even though the overall concept isn't so strong, it's still lovely - full of contemporary imagery and 21st century ideas that come across very well.

Kudos.

~Effervescent-Sentiments

That was an amazing beginning. I've been looking for an unpublished story of this quality for a while, and am awe-struck.

The poem at the beginning struck a chord and a mood, and you carried on with it into the prose - which I definitely wasn't expecting. I could feel that Rilo actually wrote the poem, not the author. (In that way I know you know.)

I'm totally enthralled. Let us read on.

"We inhaled radio static." This is very thought-provoking, and speaks volumes about our society.

"Our concept of sustenance had always been questionable." A well-written line. Full of underlying moral issues with a hint of humanity.

That was more understandable. Simply genius. Although you should add commas and dots, your sentences just never stop!

Kayleigh

Wow, this is a very different style of writing. I like it. The prologue was a bit hard to understand, what with it being so long. You should have spaced it out a bit.

"[...]piece of junk guitar of his that he kept on my couch as if it were a human and that was it's home."

Correction: "its home" the guitar's home.

Other than that, this is simply brilliant. The way it's told and the idea, their relationship. And little details, like she has to let out a few words so she doesn't let out all of them.

Kayleigh

I really like this story...the poems are great, and your description is fantastic. Raphael is awesome, update soon!