I liked how you contrasted the two characters in the prologue - it definitely shows us (your audience) how everything is set in your story :) Also, I really like Drew so far. She seems like a great heroine and the main female character :D

For this chapter, when Drew is thinking to herself, wouldn't she say McNamara instead of Madison?
"Nice move, Madison, Drew thought with a sinking heart, the guy is so someone famous."
I really like the story.

Aw soo cute Im adding this to my favorites

amazing!

i have no words for this story! it's amazing, thank you for writing it ^^

Magnificent! real cute and nice writing!

keep it up!

Ri

I' have slight brain damage - the reason why i'm commenting on the first chapter. I did read it all.

wow!...just wow. I have been a giggling and jumping idiot, i'm sure by now my family thinks that i have gone mad. But i seriousl loved it, it was absolutely amazing!!

Just wanted to let you know at two years old you're considered a toddler. You and speak and walk. I just remember you saying something about Cara being down. But otherwise a good story!

Loved the story!

Wait, he has the engagement ring? How did he get it off Evangelina's finger? Or are you talkking about the wedding band? I'm confused.

Aside from that, this was the best chapter ever! I LOVED the thoughts going through his head as he went through each step. It was like rolling up several of my favorite movie moments/feelings/climaxes into one - Sabrina, You've Got Mail, all those romantic comedies - I could just picture his facial expressions as all these thoughts and emotions went through him.

Really great!

I like this story. It is unique and entertaining.
Only one thing. It seems like the characters are supposed to be Americans, but I notice that you are from the UK and there are so many British words, sayings and spellings that it gets a little confusing. Maybe you could have an American review it to fix those. Or, you could have one of the characters (Devlin) be British. In any case, there is a lot of non-American vocabulary used. Like "notes" instead of "bills" for money for example. So, if you ever decide to do an edit, keep that in mind.

I love this story!! It's really sweet, and not to cliche, at all. I also really like your story Sea Shells and the Forget Me Nots. I just wish you'd continue it :(. Please review my stories... and continue said story!! Oh, I favorited both those stories, and you as an author.

wow that was so sweet and well thought out! i really enjoyed that!

A cute start to the story...a few comments though.

First, a LOT of dialogue...try to put in more background and less talking.

Second, if she's making $50 a day working from 9-5 (which is very unusal timewise for a waitress, btw)...and we assume she's working 5 days a week...that works out to $130 a year... now since she's the head of household and has two dependents, including a tax deductable child, she's only taxed on about $5,500 of that money. That's a tax rate of about 5%, leaving her with about $12,725 a year...maybe slightly less.

If she's being paid now $10 a month by Devlin, that's LESS than she was making as a waitress and thus would not be a good deal. I would suggest upping it to either "$10 a week" or "$30 a month with a bonus of $10,0 if the woman is found before 6 months is up" or something similar.

good luck, I'm off to read more!

WHE! Hehe, I love it ^_^