Sorry it's taken me so damn long to review. Great job; I didn't see anything that needed work. E-mail me sometime sis - I'd love to talk to you. Now I'm off to watch more One Piece.
~~Silv~~

wow...Avalon sure has some ditsy moments, doesn't she? Maybe it's just me, but I think it's hilarious that Ken lost track of her because he was spacing out. I can just see the look on his face...priceless...

I'm a little strange like that.

Wow, is Tabitha a spoiled...er...girl. Does Avalon call her Oneesan by choice, or was it Tabby's idea? It seemed a bit out of character for someone like Tabby, whom you've painted to be homicidal, not to be set off by being drenched, especially if she were planning on killing Avalon anyway. Maybe she's bipolar? It seems like she has some deep-seated emotional issues, anyway...

these chapters are so cool, they're like snapshots of her life. Your description only makes it that much better!

-Mephistophelian

Some spelling errors here...but nothing too egregious. The scene change was a bit abrupt, at least in my eyes, it left me confused for a second. Shin came out of nowhere too, but it seems like he won't be sticking around ;P

and it looks like Ken's not a very happy camper...

-Mephistophelian

thanks for the review response...talk about timely ;P It's always nice to know that I'm appreciated (ha)...

I just have a nitpicky question...I don't know that much about kendo, so please just bear with me if it's dumb...but don't you wear all sorts of padding and masks when you spar in kendo? And you use a bamboo shinai, right? (I thought bokken were used for non-contact practice, since those things can really do some damage) If Ashanti were so protected...assuming she was, of course, maybe not...would it do that much damage? why would Avalon jump in the way? Instinct? Do they go to a really hardcore school?

...or did I just answer my own question? O.O

Sorry to be the nitpicky culture nut that everyone hates...I watch way too many Japanese movies for my own good!

-Mephistophelian

...why do I get the feeling that I was cheated out of an action scene here? Where did the demon come from? What did it look like? Why the power supply?

It's cool that you treat it so casually, like the girls would, it creates a mood, but I'm the curious type that would like to know more about it.

Kind of a pointless review...sorry...

-Mephistophelian

Great story so far, I plan on reading it all the way through, but I'll stop and review if I feel like I have something to say...sorry to sort of flood your review board, I guess...^.^;

I love the way you set up your chapters, short, with the poetic introduction and conclusion. It gives it a sort of...dreamlike feel, I guess. Very cool, great atmosphere.

Your Japanese conversation in this chapter seemed a little strange to me...it was literally correct, but very formal for two kids who had happened to meet on a trolly. You probably don't need the 'watashi no namae wa' when they introduce themselves. There were some other little things, like 'genki' was spelled wrong, but I get the feeling that I don't know enough Japanese to be qualified to correct the rest...

Cool stuff all around...great work. I'm exited to get back into it.

-Mephistophelian

Hey Mei Mei, I'm at work reviewing this. I forgot my sign-on for FictionPress. TT I'm so silly like that. But very good. I love the end paragraph and the water-fight scene but...Tabby needs to like...forget about killing her sister...TT

*smiles softly* We haven't talked in a while, though this story is just as good as I remember it being. Have you been working on anything artistic lately? And I should e-mail you so that we can catch up.

And something in the part where Ken is smirking about that staring contest doesn't quite flow right. I just can't figure out what it is.Sayonara

~~Silv~~*huggles**glopms**etc*

*is a bad person and just finished rereading the posts* Sorry for not reviewing after every chapter, but I figured that I've already said everything there was for me to say. It's an intense story and I enjoy it and and characterization. Good job...Sayonara

~~Silv~~*huggles*

Really nice writing, as usual. I like the twist of turning the prep into an enemy, it's rather cunning. I can't wait to watch Avalon kick Tabitha's butt.

Grrness...Mei Mei...don't kill Avalon...I likes her...lol

Good one...as always...

Thats good...very intriguing. Makes you want more. Keep writing a whole lot too lol

^ ^ Cuteness...just a bit of fluff...I love it!

Gah...so hooked on this story... Please, please, please, write more!

This is truly a well done story. Very few errors, and those few were minor. Gotta say I like the poems at the beginging and end of each chapter. Great character development too. Can't wait to see the end!