Cool chapter, I'm being rushed right now, so I can't leave much of a review. That was an enjoyable read, hope to see more from you soon!

Love it! You should keep Peace Writer's comments in mind, he has a better eye then I do (though I did notice a few). Might I suggest getting a friend to help you reread your story before you upload it? A couple of my friends help me out, maybe your friends would. It would help a lot since people normally do not realize their own mistakes. Anyways, I still LOVE your character interaction. Not to mention, the plot was interesting and keeps twisting and turning. Hee hee, hope to you update soon!

~Sumi-chan; What you call love, I call pain.

Wow, it's been so long since you've updated this! I've almost forgot all the characters in here!Well anyway, I spotted several grammar errors in here regarding punctuation and captialization. There were also some repitition mistakes; not major, but it does detract from the quality of the work.Other than that, well, it was a nice short chapter. I'll wait for your next update!Peace out!

You have a very good writing style and an interesting way of describing the action in your story, but I agree with Peace Writer. It's easy to get lost in this story. You see, sometimes when you write a story, you don't notice your own grammar mistakes or how things are confusing, since you wrote it. Okay, I don't like to critisize. I like your character interaction, you can kind of get a feel of all the characters and what's going on, most of the time. Anyways, good job with your story, hope you update this soon because it IS really interesting. -gives you a cookie- good job ^-^

~Sumi-chan; What you call love, I call pain.

"because I have something in mind for you." O_O creepy...But I liek the story and I was going to read it sooner or later...guess it was later dammit! But anyways my policy demands that if you review one story of mine I give you one review so here it is. (don't you just love the policy? It makes both parties happy!) The story is great so far, a few grammar mistakes a few spelling...but I'll come back again and proofread it for you okay?

Hmm, well, I have to say that the plot is very large. What I mean is that there are seemingly many minor characters that want to be major characters and minor places pretending to be major places. I have to admit I was a little confused as to whom everyone was!Also, I spotted some grammar and spelling errors here and there, but they're easy to fix on a second run-through, so,Anyway, just to tell you, this kind of story will only be good if you are really careful in depth and detail, or otherwise people may get lost. So far, I can see that you're putting a lot of effort into it, but the chapters seem way too short for this. (well, the descriptions are great, so maybe I'm just being delusional.)Other than that, this is a very interesting story, and I will be whatching for updates.Keep writing!Peace out!

Hi. angelstaff here.

Anyways, I really like this story. It's got a lot of potential, and it has a nonchalant feel to it, though there are deeper meanings to the story. I like that. :)

Anyways, happy writing. See you soon.

You have a wonderful eye for description, but I do find your dialogue a bit weak. However, this is only the first chapter; and from the looks of it, I'm sure it will only get better!

See you next review!

still2twisted

this chapter is nice! i like it very much, the way the POV was written using third person. keep up the good work.

this chapter is ok. the pace of the story is a bit fast in the last part, though i don't know if that's good or bad. i know this review is super late, but i want to put it still anyway. ^^ good luck.

OwO

~ Noelle ~

Very Good! Very Good! *dies from writing too much* wahh... no... to much writing...after 3 chapters of Eien Hoshi straight, i'm suprised that my figers can move

So, Akane ran away? i wonder why... update soon!

your grammar is good and you know how to tell a story. i'll read the rest and give you a review. ^^

cool story! i loved it. update soon!