Hey! I like this! To be fair, in some points (many, actually) the grammar is like, whoa, what happened here! But I like the idea and its interesting and readable, and though you're not gonna be the next famous fantasy writer in teh next few years, I reckon some day when you're old enough (Let's admit it, you gotta have white hair to write really good fantasy, and you're like, a teenager) you'll be able to write really well. etc. etc. Keep going. I like this.

Very interesting. I think the quick changes in POV worked well. Very graphic, I was again surprised. ("Nik looked over at the sleeping girl with an annoyed."; an annoyed what?)

Interesting about Seth, I wasn't expecting that. I was also surprised at Sakiira's lack of reaction to what had happened. I think she would blame someone, especially the men who did it. Quite a fast recovery for such a trauma... As for the end, I can't help but think that Seth doesn't seem to be very good at his job...more reactive than proactive. And a 'guy in black leather' and two 'somebody's did that? I think there should be a bit more description there..

The story took kind of a turn there I wasn't expecting. The eagle egg is cool, but if it is some sort of 'magical' type eagle, you should give it a fictitious name. Golden eagles are kind of 'regular' eagles.

"He knew that he all ready loved her. If anything like his daughter." I think I know what you meant here, but I don't think this should be two sentences like this.

Your writing is a bit rough around the edges, but it's good. The man's feathers kind of surprised me...

Wow, brutal.

Poor Sakiira

Interesting style, almost a poem...

Well I will wait for your next installment

Write more, Write often.

Chief

Hello again,

Well an Angel, figured but was unsure. Wonder what she is? Don't tell me...I will read on...

Well one of the things that jumped out at me was, Seth saying 'you know me to well' LOL Under the circumstances this sounds out of place, she does not know him...This next part was a bit confusing to ...Seth glanced at her, ‘Should I? Well I guess that would be best right now. I should keep an eye on her though.' What did he decide? Just be a bit more clear.

Ah! A cliff hanger!

Wite more, Write oftenChiefO

Hello!

First I would like to thank you for your review of 'The Price of Honor'

On to your story...You have a novel idea. Not your standard story. I think you can make it work.

I will have to agree with MWegan on your grammar and slight confusion on who is speaking, but as he has addressed it I think you can look over your own work and spot it.

I think you may need a break or a bolder scene change when the men attack the village. a few discriptions may help flesh out your story. (I know you are fond (as am I) of allowing the reader to fill in the gaps but it is a tricky writing style and one must be careful the gaps do not become chasms)

That said I will read on...

Write more, Write Often (I wish I could)

Hi! Interesting beginning. I have a few style pointers that I hope you will find helpful... You use a lot of short, choppy sentences, and a lot of pronouns. For example - "He sat quietly, not moving a muscle. He saw what he was waiting for and he tensed." That's a lot of 'he'. At the very least the last one can be omitted. Also watch the punctuation with your dialogue, for example, “It’s a beautiful morning.” Her mother proclaimed happily. This should be “It’s a beautiful morning,” her mother proclaimed happily.

also:

“Think hard my sparrow.” Sparrow was her mother’s pet name for her. Suddenly Sakiira remembered.

“Today is my birthday!” Her mother laughed.

Here it can get confusing as to who is actually speaking, it should be more like

“Think hard, my sparrow,” said her mother.

Suddenly Sakiira remembered. “Today is my birthday!”

Her mother laughed. "Yes, that it is..."

(I think the part about the pet name is obvious enough to not have to be stated)

"After eating her mother went to get her purse and they set out for the market", should be a comma after 'eating'

"They often passed by there on shopping days but it was rare that they stopped there.", a repeat of the word 'there'

"The dark figure said. He was still in the shadows." would probably be better as -- ...in trouble," the dark figure said from the shadows"

Also, read over some of your dialogue, maybe out loud. Some of it doesn't seem to flow. Overall, watch the short sentences, many can be combined. Also watch the use of commas, there are a few sentences that need them. And watch the paragraph structure around dialogue. And at the risk of sounding cliche, look at your description of the figure and try to 'show, not tell' I hope that this is helpful for you, and I will read more (thanks for the review of 'The Price of Honor', btw)

Yo! Guess who this is? It's DIS. Thanks for signing my guestbook! Just so you know, you could have put Chapter Two on this one. Erm, I'll have to show you how to do it on my own account. Please read some of my own fics on here! Hope to see ya soon! ^__^