Hello, Peace Writer.

I'm sorry that I haven't reviewed you in a long time, since I really enjoy reading your works. First off, I really enjoy the way that you start off things. Your introductory sentence was engaging, and it pulled me in all the way through the entire piece. I think the overall premise of the story sounds extremely interesting, and I can't wait to see what else you have in plan for this story. The characters are well developed so far in the very beginning, which is a good sign of writer's talent, and your wording is excellent. Personally, I like all your works, and trust me, it's very difficult to choose between them, but I like this work along with Omni Mage. Those two have to be my favorite stories, and with good reason, because this is arguably better than most of the stuff that I find here on FictionAbyss, oops, I mean FictionPRESS. This is put in the Young Adult section, but I think that this would do just as well in the Manga section. I can visualize this perfectly, either way, but somehow, I like the manga version ^_^ Anyway, this story has the elemnts of stylish writing that promises breathtaking action in the future, and I know that your writing talent won't fail to impress me. The way you portray the gun is very reverent, almost sacred, in fact. About what the other person said about preferring swords to guns, I would have to agree that I like the flashy show of swordsmenship rather than shooting guns, but the way that you write, I will forget about my love for swordsmenship and be awed by your gun fights. I like the italiczed parts, too, and they manage to be interesting and never drag down the story, and they enhance its richness and its depth. The setting is also well-portrayed, and I can actually feel the aura of the environment and the adrenaline inducing feeling of suspense permeating from this fic. I could probably ramble on and on about your greatness, but then, this would probably ruin the brevity of this review (yes, this review was actually meant to be short). Jack seems to be a very interesting character, and like Terryll said, he has room for development, and I can't wait to see how Jack will grow and change, and how he percieves things along his journey. Excellent start, and equally excellent finish, and I hope to see more of this in the future. Also, please update Omni Mage, because that story is just as good. I will try to review it chapter by chapter, once I'm done with this pesky schoolwork of mine >.< Anyway, excellent, excellent job on the writing, and I love this story to bits and pieces. If I were to comment on anything else about this story, let's say that this is publish-worthy material.

chibichocobo

It is what dreamers call reality and realists call delusion. An unbalanced equation where all definition fails.

A great first chapter with a bit of an ominous ending. continue writing!

Well, I read it finally, just so I could say I did. But to tell the truth I'm probably not going to keep up with this one regularly. Maybe not at all. Because really I'm not a big fan of gun based literature. Give me a sword anyday, it takes a lot more effort to kill soemone with that. Yeah, your little dialogue at the beginning did make me think, so let me answer a question or two.

Why it was built, because we could do it.And in my opinion, which may not matter to anyone, humans were just as dangerous, if not more dangerous without guns. At least, they're more brutal. Guns make it clean usually. Beating someone with a stick usually makes a mess.

Good luck with this one. I'll be looking for more Omni Mage.

Seishinbyo Suku Zan

wow, excellent use of wording and the opening paragraphs really compel a reader to actually write an essay...for me it does. Lol, after reading the info about guns it made me wanna write an essay on it, your writing is very influential upon its readers and i found myself capitivated into the plot and the character development. For some strange reason, while i read this i was thinking about WW1 on the trenches... the description is well done that i could actually visualize it. Jack a very complex character and i'm trying to guess why the twelve triggers would quit.. the last paragraph, i think gives clue to what will happen to Jack and his father... i just hope i'm wrong on my guess.

Lol, i haven't stumbled onto a story with a long chapter as this is yet but i'm hoping you'll write a 2nd chapter. This story is going to one of my favorites.

J. Akai//Chou

If that wasn't a foreshadowing moment than I don't know what is. Well, Yes, I guess you now know who I am, so now my secret Identity is revealed. Come on out everyone.Selaya: It's good to finally come out of that dark corner, I was getting cramped.Shi: Oh shut up little girl, learn to grow up!Linda + Ricenmei: DON'T YOU TALK TO OUR DAUGHTER THAT WAY!Kyoshen: It's good to finally be out, it was a little cramped, but it was managable.Fuuten: So, who wants something to eat? *runs out and grabs food that pleases everyone and runs back* Here everyone! *gives them their food*OneOfManyMinds: Well, I guess you now get the picture, yes, I'm SDRIVE from FFN! Now here on FP! But that's besides the point! Onto the story cause I have a lot to comment on. One, The teacher, for some reason all I can think of, from the way you disgribed him, I got Ben Stein all on the brain, even his voice. Second, I mentioned the last thing Italicized, being a foreshadow most likely, Third, Congrats on LEARNING how to Italicize lol, you'll have to teach me lol.Forth, I like the Idea of an all chrome city, very cool idea. Fifth, to think that school was reduced to being two people to a class, who would have thought! Um, whatelse did I want to mention? *looks at story* oh yeah, I noticed that you have a red Sky in this story just like in Final Thought, so there is a similarity there. Um,Selaya: I feel bad for Jacks mother and how the books scared him.OOMM: Yeah, that was pretty sad, and I can almost see some foreshadowing there too, like if he's faced with a gun I'm sure it will be hard for him to cope. Ricenmei: I have a feeling that Jack's father was one of the original twelve.OOMM: Ok, from now on whenever I type my name I'm typing either Kokuro or Itonami, not sure yet.Fuuten: You should type in Spice Boy #6 the mystery spice!Itonami: NO! I will not do that! That's stupid, that's bad even for you.Linda: Yeah, I should kick your ** for mentioning any Spice Girl/Boy thing!Fuuten: EEP! *runs back to corner*Itonami: Whatever, either way sorry this review was so long. But congrats on the story, I thought it was really well written and it can go places. Oh, one more thing of announcements, Due to lazyyness, and just plotting out WAY more than I have too my Manga that will be posted here will take a while. I will however send you a review or tell you about it at school when I see you when it's up. I would work on it during study hall but I forgot the notebook that I plot in. Oh well, well, until then,Never Doubt The Ones Who Understand,When You Do Not

hey good story keep up the good work!

First off, let me say that I really like the title of your story. For some odd reason, it just screams 'MANGA' to me. Anyway, I am very impressed with this work of fiction. Jack seems to be a very complex character with excellent room for growth and development. Your world is marvelously depicted and very easy to imagine. The story flow itself rarely stutters and you have a very diverse and good selection of words present which gives this written work a vague sense of professionalism. All in all, I think it's a good start to what is sure to be an epic on FP. Can't wait to read more!

See you next review!

still2twisted

Good intro to the world. And really nice foreshadowing at the end.

Yeah, Jack has a heavy past there, and looks to get heavier in the near future.