Heehee hi ken. Actually I think I'm not entitled to critique prose since I haven't done anything on prose myself (remembers CAP portfolio) but hey, what the hell? There's plenty of room for plot and character development, but I think there's a few punctuation foul-ups here and there that make the dialouge choppy e.g. (“I’m sure your father, wishes that was so too,” replied Daryl, who was watching his friend toy with the saltshaker.) I don't know, I don't think the comma after the father should be there. Or is there something I didn't see? Ehh never mind. I'm terribly exhausted and my vision is blurry and I'm kinda sleepy DON'T MIND ME hehheh. Bye~

Um...it's reasonably well written, but do I detect some Terry Brooks in the writing? Try and avoid those cliched names like names with an aprostophe in them. It's not exactly novel anymore, more boring. I like the idea of making Re'an a mercenary. The chapter's ok, but I still don't see why you named the story so. Maybe you were intending to keep it till the ending. In any case, it's not bad. Keep writing and I'm sure you'll improve.

hello ke! x) i added you on msn k. anyway. i like fantasy. better that reality. OMG SO CHEESY AND IT RHYMES~ okok back to the point. your writing is a bit, stiff. but i think you show off your simple style. x) okay if that doesnt make sense, forgive my intoxicated state- IT'S NEW YEAR'S EVE. WHEE SUPER HOLY WATER SOAKER ACTION.

hello ke! that's what omi and char call you anyways. heyheyhey I LIKE YOUR FICTION STYLE. (yes i am slightly drunk) but yeah. i think it's cool. slightly straightforward, but your PLOT ROCKS. oh my did i just say that? sorry if i seem weird. but yeah, i like this. next time you update, i'll come back and review properly yeah? and i take it you're a taonanite? AHAHA NANYANG FOREVER. (aggravates old grudges) ahaha. -kismet.

Hello. I'm chibichocobo, a friend of Terryll, aka still2twisted of Fictionpress fame. He recommended me to you, and I agreed to it, because I always trust Terryll's taste in writing. So far, this story's not too bad, and I think that it has a promising beginning. I would have to agree with Terryll on some points, that, yes, the prologue does need to be stretched out a bit. But just because a chapter's short doesn't necessarily mean it's bad. In fact, I think that this is an honorable accomplishment for a thirteen year old. I'm very impressed. Of course, the fact that you're an aspiring writer is encouraging. Most of the time, I don't meet that many thirteen year olds with enough motivation and drive to write. You are the wonderful exception to this. Anyway, there were a few missing words, a few missing things, but nothing that would ruin the overall presentation. It's also quite a challenge to write in the fantasy genre, mostly because the fantasy world has to be so detailed. When one goes in a fantasy world, this is a place where no reader has been before, so you must try your best to describe things in your story, all the way down to the tiny details. For example, you'll have to explain cultures, language, clothing, food, trade, towns, routes, maps, animals, and other things. But I think you did a fine job. The names you picked were interesting, and they gave a sense of realism and depth in your story. I'm not an expert in writing fantasy myself, though I like writing in that genre. I do know some of the tools and trades of the genre, and I could probably give you some more advice if you needed any. But the best advice I can give you now is simply write your story down first, and probably polish it up later. That's what I usually do with most of my stories. Otherwise, if you keep on going with one chapter over and over again, you take the risk of never getting that chapter down. Anyway, I would like to thank you for reviewing Terryll's story, Glimmers of Destiny. You see, he is a good friend of mine, but he is also one of the most underrated authors on Fictionpress. Most of the writers on Fictionpress don't acknowledge him, despite his immense talent and wonderful writing skills. In fact, everything I say here isn't enough to give him justice. So, don't be discouraged from the lack of reviews. Terryll, one of the greats, doesn't have that many, but he doesn't let that bother him. He only writes to please the small group of readers he has, such as myself. As long as he has a friend like me, what does it matter if nobody else reviews? I swear that some of the authors with thousand reviews don't read them, and I'd most likely bet that 99.9% of the reviewers aren't even close friends, they're just close acquaintances. Don't be discouraged from the lack of reviews. Simply write for yourself. In the end, that's all that counts. The sense that you finished writing something is an accomplisment in itself, and something to be very proud of. Especially with a fantasy story, which I believe is one of the hardest genres of all to write in. But, if you want more people to read you, the most practical advice I can give you is review other people. That's how I got some other people to review me. Fictionpress is almost like a lottery, so it's tricky for certain people to get reviews. Anyway, don't ask for a review in your review, but simply compliment them or give them helpful advice to fixing their writing. Your work is very, very promising (being a fifteen year old, I'm entitled to repeat things) ;) Do keep up the excellent work. I'm glad that I've come upon a fic like this. Au revoir.

chibichocobo

No your writing isn't bad at all. In fact, I would definitely have to say it has potential. But, this is a review/critique so I also have to be honest about certain things. First, you should really have considered stretching out the length of your Prologue, thus granting it it's own 'chapter' in this story. The way it stands now could be found really confusing to some of the more passive readers on this site (i.e. people who don't spend the majority of their time buried in a book like I do...LOL!). Even if you had kept it as short as it now, I still think it would have been better to just post it separate of the first chapter. It just would have flowed better. But that's just me. And Second, I came across a number of areas with missing words. Nothing too grating but easy to miss words can stunt the word flow of a story. However, they are littered through out your story and I would suggest that you read back over it carefully to find them and fill them in. I would also suggest that in the future you edit your work as you go. In the long run, it will save you a whole lot of trouble in the end. Overall, I would have to say that this was a very good first try at writing a story. It had a good hook, kept my attention focused throughout and delivered enough interest to warrant a continued read. I look forward to the next chapter and I think I'll give my friend chibichocobo a ring and have her drop you a review as well. It's the least that I could do for an aspiring writer. Oh and thank you for the review, by the way. I always enjoy other writer's opinions of my stories.

See you next review!

still2twisted!