Okay I like this. I like the fact that instead of telling it from first person (which too many people do) you told it sort of like a piece of fiction. And if you had made it rhyme than it would be too fairy tale like.

The first stanza REALLY needs punctuation or else you read it wrong and you get confused.

I really like this bit: "Where did he go wrong?/ What mistake did he make?/ He does not understand/ Educated, yet senseless in this regard" Especially that last line.

This part I don't like: "He was cast out/ Driven away/ Left to lead a life of solitude/ And eventual madness." And why? because it's an explanation. And that made me twitch. I don't want you to explain to me why he's like this. I actually think you could just get rid of this stanza and it would be that much better. The only thing you might want to do is see if you can introduce somewhere else the concept of life long solitude. Otherwise, you don't need this explanation.

When you said "slow he reaches for it" I was dreading that you might go into a description of a dagger or something but you didn't! Good. You left it mysterious so that the audience could imagine for themselves.

I adore these last two lines: "From dust he arose/ To dust he returns."

again...wow..this one is going to my favourites for sure. this one is just...too good..

i love how at the end it starts to repeat a bit of the same words, the pace seems to speed up, making you feel mad when you read it...i love it hun. great work

chilling. -smiles-

Hey this is pretty good. I enjoyed it.

You're Malaysian? Me too. Awesome.

C