Very nice, quite smooth. Some small details that I noticed... First, the Mk.23 SOCOM carries the .45ACP, not the 9mm. As far as I know, Delta doesn't use FN F20s or P90s, nor have they been issued M8s, yet. Finally, in a real combat sit, a normal Delta 'operator' would have a main weapon (in your man's case, M4), secondary (usually a door-breaching shotgun... occasionally, the main weapon is an SMG and the secondary is a heavier weapon like the AT4), and sidearm (pistol).

Also, I don't know about now, but around my era, they never used ranks on the net because, should it be intercepted, the command structure would immediately be clear. Callsigns were predetermined for rank. Same reason they never saluted in US Army camps in Nam... too many eyes looking.

So... sorry I was a bit long-winded there. If I helped, good. If I didn't, which I probably didn't, well heck that's okay with me. Good luck on your work.

Honestly, Marcus…get a clue.

Just because my stories aren't riding Tom Clancy's cock doesn't mean that they've gone downhill.

I thought I took you for an open-minded individual, ready to give new ideas a chance.

I guess I was wrong.

That will be your own mental prison. Your writing will never improve if you confine yourself to "Oh, it MUST be like Tom Clancy!"

And just for your own reference…viewing Marines as "Me want to kill, me bloodthirsty, me have no brains" IS stereotypical. If you would have stuck around and saw the chapters I have planned, you would see that.

But if you're that close minded, good riddance.

I doubt I know as much about the military as you do, but I beleive that the P-90 was intinded to be used in place of the M4A1, and most soldiers would only cary 2 firearms- primary and secondary. Most infantry don't even bother keeping their seconday (handguns, as you obviously are aware) with them. The P-90 is extremely acurate considering that it has 5.7mm rounds for armor peircing, and the fact that it is so small makes it perfect for SEALS and other covert forces as a primary armment. However, my research of the P-90, despite the fact that it is my favorite weapon, is a bit outdated because I gained most of my information about it before the military was done testing with it. I just don't think that the soldiers would be carrying 3 guns, is my point of this rant. Aside from that, this is an awesome story, I can't wait to finish it!

Finally track this story down again and you have just one chapter added and its really short at that...you cant do this when the stories you write are this good. hurry up and update. :p

Marcus, I think you are confusing "non-Clancy like" with "unrealistic and cliché". Just because I decided to break away from the Clancy school of writing doesn't make me a horribly Hollywood unrealistic writer.

Actually, if you did more research into recent developments in the War on Terrorism, you'd see I'm actually delving into a new level of realism. If you don't believe me, research the Strategic Services Branch. Essentially, the Specters are a cowboyed SSB.

And Williams served in both Delta and 7th SFGA. All Delta operators are SF qualified, so in that aspect, they are the same. The only true differences are the command structure and the mission statements.

I don't mean to sound like an asshole, but honestly, you keep telling me everything that's wrong with the story. Could you do something more helpful, such as tell me what I'm doing right, or tell me what would you do to the story to make it better?

Sorry if you consider this biting your head off.

Oh! continuecontinuecontinue! This is good, I likes this story ^__^ Good job! *thumbs up* I love the style. Keep up the good works!~Ponteh

Awfully short chapter...:S

Oh, and on the subject of the Shadows vs. Reawakening-dude, the Organization was going to show up, either way. Read "Cruel Charge." That was written before the Shadows and my plotting went "downhill," as you put it. I want to break away from the Clancy school of writing. As a friend pointed out to me, he has all of his realism and technical stuff down, but he has one major problem-characterization. I'm trying more of a Kojima-san approach because that man knows how to make human characters.

I'll be waiting around for the next chapter of this, and I hope you continue to read Reawakening so I can show you that while I'm strongly inspired by Hideo Kojima this time, I am my own writer.

I like!

This looks like some of my earlier works I wrote at about 14-15: excellent action, good descriptions, but lacking in character fulfillment and conventions.

We need to hear more about how these guys think. If they're going to be in the jungle the entire story, I would suggest that you make more comments like the Sam Fisher one. Obviously, this guy likes Splinter Cell. :)

On the conventions...I noticed two things:1) You like semi-colons too much. It's nice to see that you know how to use them (a lot of people don't, believe it or not) but break down some of those sentences.

2)Your dialogue is a bit wooden, a problem I still battle with. Try speaking the dialogue out loud and think if somebody would actually say that in real life. Use literary standard English in the narration, but use human English in dialogue.

I'm off to read more of it-I'll leave more reviews. But keep it up, and I hope my criticism comes across as constructive and that you can use it. You've got ore in your writing, Marcus; sand away at it and you'll have a precious rock. :D

A nice cliff hanger. I wonder why the CIA agent blew the natives.

whow @_@ talk about a twist at the end there.Nicely done, you've got a knack for all the warfare stuff... keep up the good work!~Pont

O new toys! :PThis is looking good... Update! (preese ^_~)~Pont

o, you're good at this! You know a lot about guns @_@; lol. Keep up the good work!Hehe, Joker, hehehe... I love that codename. Willow's neat too. That poor out-cold kiddie, is he gonna show up later too?Ah! *headdesk* I'll get the last specs of Avalbane to you asap! Sorry about that!~Pont

Not quite the chapter I was expecting after your amazing first chapter, but it was still good. The only problem I had was its extreme shortness. Looking forward to more, update soon.

~Militarynut32489

This is a masteriece beyond anything i have seen from a fellow teenager. It is beyond kick ass. You work at it, and I can see you becoming more than just a small fraction of Tolkein. You may even get yourself published. Going to read chapter two and looking forward to it.

~Militarynut32489