The first stanza on this is absolutely lovely.and then just

halt.

Lovely.

To me, the beginning is really strong, and I really like the sounds you incorporated...they illustrate your idea well. As it gets to the end though, it seemed more, hm, from the book. I mean, it's similar to ideas from other poems, and I just wish it woulda been more individualistic.

Briliant with the 'piterpatter' thing. It really works well. -write on!