short... seductive and very colorful... love it! :)

Wow! What an strange, interesting and disconcerting story. It's particularly effective because you never mention why all this unusual stuff is happening. It makes the narrator (and the reader) seem even crazier.

Well done!

Wow, that was...I'm not actually sure what that was. Interesting, weird, funny. Hmm. That was delightfully intriguing, I'll settle on that. Nice job, I really enjoyed reading it. I did feel a moment of panic at the end when I realized we're stuck in the store, which I suppose is a sign that I was really engaged by the story! Very nice.

I love it.

I like this story. The shortness helps it to maintain suspense without dragging on. It's creepy, clever, and very unique.

Wow. That was definitely twisted and strange. I really enjoyed it though. I liked how she was very cryptic in saying 'I don't need your number... I'll find you.' When I started reading on about how I couldn't find the doors, I thought to myself, "Ah, so that's what she meant."
Simple and complete. I loved it.

xoxo - Ria

Short and fun. There's an entire feminist reading here that you could get into, especially when you look at the mythology of the siren, but I'll save space instead and say I liked it. Especially all the suggestive bits, like the line about the beanbag and her throat. Good times.

Nice. Generally I find that it's hard to read (and write) second person but it's just so natural in this case. I really like the subtleties you've woven in through Lisa's hair and earrings; it complements the enigmatic... atmosphere (I think that's the word for it) of the title. And then there's the store going all maze-like... Creepy!

Sweet fic, mate!

Woah. This was cool. It was neat how you made her lair get ;onger and her earring holes filled in as the story progressed. That actually was a nightmare I had once. I was lost in the store and couldn't escape, even though I had finals to study for. Thank god it wasn't real.

Wow. Short, polished, and frightening. Good job!

lol, I really liked this. It was written with great imagery and the point of view is interesting. I actually met a guy at Wal Mart; we became best friends, and knew each other for about a year before he moved. The funny thing was...Wal Mart really was the ONLY place I ever saw him. Good times...god times.

-Chaos

PS. Just looking for feedback like every other person on this site. If you ever find free time or just get bored, I'd appreciate it if you'd take a look at really anything I've written, poetry or story. Thanks in advance whether you do or don't.

Freaky! But very creative! I loved it!

That was beautifully written, I couldn't imagine a better way to put it. I love how you can't tell if the speaker is a man or a woman, because I'd love to get the Siren Lisa on a beanbag too.

Wow.

That was good. Definitely Hotel California meets retail store. Not too horrific till you realize you can't get out.

the first person narration was really nice, straight forward and not detering from the point. it was just like the stores I've been to and it was such a wonderful look into the mind. its seems more comediac then horrific but I really can't say. you paint it onto a grand level and make this seem more surrealistic then an actual day at a store, either way this was fantastic.

~* as beauty dies *~