great story so far! hope you guys update soon :D

Well, first thing first, this thing has HUGE potential. Seriously. I kid thee not and all that jazz.

One thing that really bugged me, though, was how you described your characters. It was kind like you said that is that instead of showing it. Nothing wrong with it really, it just kind of...bugged...me. Yeah.

I like that she ran to the headstone. It shows he was an extremely person in her life.

Under the inscription in the diary, "She was dumbfounded what could have happened to her diary?" Two sentences.

And...you haven't updated this story in two years...I'm a little late. Eh.

hmm... seems like an interesting story... i practically shivered when i read the part about joey dieng... was really sad... ill be looking forward to the next chapter!! update soon!!

I want more!! A couple things i think would make this a beeter start is I perfer to get more details on janie and her mom. the mom didn't have any physical charistics at all. And i didn't get feel close to janie.

whoa, cool. it's like a creepier version of my story. i wonder if the book in my story is evil too! wait, i'm writing, i should know.

anyways, this was really cool. i like the whole twist behind it, and it seems like it will end up being depressing.

great work

whoa, that was not what i expected this story to be. this is really good. i felt really bad whe he took the diary. it kind of what i imagine all teachers want to do deep deep down inside (which is a terrible thing to think, but i do) sorry it took me so long to review this story, but if you add chapters, i'll definatly read them

O.O wow. Oh, this is a warning, it's 7 minutes and counting to med time, so my other reviews might be psychotic and stuff.

but yeah, that was a freaking awesome chapter! Pyromaniacs are awesome, some of my best friends are pyromaniacs. But yeah, great job! Cool cheese details too.

6 MINUTES TO MED TIME! WOOHOO!

oh, this is cool! Now I'm wishing I had more time online...

Hey--I think you've got some promising ideas here. The story kind of reminds me of a cross between Carrie, by Stephen King (don't know if you've read it)and Matilda by Roald Dahl, which is one of my all time favorite children's stories. Anyway, here are a few tips that might help you: 1) SHOW what you mean instead of saying it. It's a lot more powerful to a reader if you show Janie's mother's meanness instead of having Janie complain about it, or maybe if you have Janie's classmates mock her instead of having her say, "Well, she's never really that accepted anyway," or whatever.2) Character depiction. A lot of aspiring authors have trouble with the black-and-white, good-vs.-evil characterization. No character, no realistic character, is purely good or purely evil, as you suggest Janie's mother is. You may want to investigate into her past and express her motivations and perhaps show a trace of a few hidden virtues, because everyone has them, no matter how detestable that person may be. Similarly, Janie's loneliness and abuse would probably affect her in ways other than repressed anger that takes shape in teleportation; she'd probably suffer from emotional scarring and sadness, rather than just resentment. I was impressed by your sudden and unanticipated teleportation--the incorporation of that into the story the first time was subtle and unexpected. The second time, I felt, might have had a bit too much narration preceding it and I kind of saw it coming (I'm not sure whether or not that was intentional). Anyway, good luck with your future writing. Hope this helps.

This is Jamie. Why won't anyone read my story? I'm going to cry. Please someone read it. Me and Jason worked so ** this. please please please someone read and review! I just need one review and i'll be happy, i need to know if someone likes it or hates it so we can improve on it. and thank you very much.

This is Jason, please read and review this story. This is our own project and we really are working hard. help us!