FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Coping Mechanism 2005-03-08 ch 1,  | abuseOkay. Stop cutting yourself just cause you feel guilty for loving someone, Jesus!. Anyway. You're way too ** yourself. This last line here: "This deep desireCan not stayIt will only push all away" oughta be changed to "It will only push you away" it'd be more sensical, is sensical a word? I forget... anyways... I like your stuff but it's sorta repetitive, when you read poem after poem, mine can be too, but I try to come up with fresh ideas to mix it up, you know what I mean? Perhaps try writing a song. And make it about something you've never done before. Anything: War, RECIPROCAL love, anger, something comical, something about nature, etc... If you write a song, make sure to write a catchy chorus. for example one of mine, about your recurring theme is: "No matter what I say,No matter what I do,Every thought of mine,Leads back to you." catchy right? That sorta thing would help spice your stuff up from just the same old angst everyone else writes. It worked for me. Anyway I gtg, but it was fun reviewing your stuff. Perhaps you can return the favor. And btw, hope you feel better eventually. I've been in your place before. Read "Fresh Air" and "Tragic Enigma" if you don't believe me. Anyway, gotta go. |
| Muirgen 2005-02-09 ch 1, | abuseWow. its really good, written in such a way that you can really feel the emotions the poem is trying to portrey(sp?). ~Breanna~ |
| Selenity Jade 2005-01-19 ch 1, | abuseOh, that is dark too. But nice job on both, dear. |