Review Game!

Something you should omit "Ye of Christian faith and narrow minds..." It seems to tie all Christians with narrow minds. I know some are, but not all. It sounded very rude to me anyway. If your intention is to stop others from flaming you, I think you should do it a bit more politely. I fought the urge to flame you just for that, haha. I understand that flamers are a "pain in the ass", but perhaps you can just say something like "If you are a fundamental Christian who cannot tolerate the mention of Satan in stories, please click the back button as this story is based on this theme. Flames are not accepted, thank you."

As for your actual writing, I found it pretty good. You had good flow and pace, no tense shifts, and it was easy to read. You may want to do with a little more sentence variety in the beginning of the chapter. It started out rather bland as in you started most sentences with a noun. Switch around some things and it would sound more lively.

Another thing you may want to watch for is the introduction of characters. To be honest, I was really confused by the middle of the chapter. When did the people come in? Or were they there in the room to start with? Who was who and what were they doing prior to the things that happened? Essentially, all I got was a woman was killing somebody because she was given a gun from Satan, then Satan popped up and pulled her to hell? Is that what happened? I'm not too sure, please PM me an explanation, thank you.

That's all I've got to say for now. Looking forward to reading future chapters should you post them.

Dex

i loved it, it was a little strange in the beginning but when yuo got to the end it all became clear. It was awseome keep up the good work

wo.

Hm.

Food for thought.

Good!

It was stylish. Style is a big word when reviewing your stuff, you seem to have an inherit ability to program all your art with a unique gleam that just radiates off the words. Of your three this is the one that could really run and run. I would suggest looking into Catholicism and the Catholic devil in detail - get the old myths in your mind, learn the dodgey termonology. Then you could make it both spooky and eerily accurate; 'demon' is a word, 'Mephastophilis' is a shiver down the spine. You must continue with this, it gives you all the room you need to explore your intellectual creativity.

The writing was a bit confusing, but the moral was nice. Gave me a fuzzy feeling and made me smile. And by the way... good luck with the energy field. Humans have shit luck with that kind of stuff.-chaos