Wow. I think you did an excellent job, especially your word usage. It really brought out the fact that a less-than intelligent "jock" is talking. If that's what you would call him...

Anywhoo, I loved it. Realistic. It's going on my favorites list.

very nice work

these characters are so real and believable . . wow

keep writing . . you have a nice style and from what I can see, you're really talented. :3

--kacie--