Woo! Final chapter!

"walk passed" - should be: "walked past"

Wow, he does sound really cute. ^_~ I've always liked the combination of dark skin and light eyes. XD

"light, distant thunder barely audible over the soft, musical patter of rain" - what a pretty description of someone's voice. Now I wanna hear what he sounds like.

SO she's taxed the demon hamster to his limit, ne? I really like Elric's character. He seems bi-polar with a major sarcasm problem. Very hilarious.

"the hot guys voice" - should be: the hot guy's voice

Ha! He finally bit her toe!

"off of the floor" - you don't need the "of". It'll be smoother if ya take it out

"The hote dude grabbed Elic off the floor and put a boot to my stomach to keep me from reaching my prey. Damn that hot dude." - probably my favorite line so far. Straightforward and chucky!

"I don't want to try again, I want her to be off my list or I'm leaving" - replace that comma with a period. It's a run-on.

"I was just cursing my Algebra teacher and hoping his soul would rot away and fester while his body is chewed upon by the mangiest rats that could possibly grace -" Ha ha! XD This is good, too. A very efficient excuse. I think most people feel this way about their math teachers. God only knows exactly how much I hated Ms. Geometry teacher from hell.

Why does being a virgin seem to have such impact? Can they not damn these "untouchables" as Elic refers to them?

He really does seem bi-polar, now. Yelling and screaming, seconds away from a **-slap - er, or claw fight - and now he's Mr. Calm and Logical.

"I don't like it when people laugh at me, even if they have awesome pale green eyes that you could swim in for hours" - nice description! ^_^

Ooh what's the Veil? Sounds mysterious and veil-like. =P

So now they're all going to hell? (speaking of which, I like the title) I really like this story so far. Oh, and we get to find out the Hot Dude's name? And more about the inner-workings of Hell? UPDATE! NOW! XD Just kidding.

Heh. As previously stated, I think your story's good and that you should definitely continue. There's just a few minor grammar stuff, but nothing that's getting in the way of the plot OR comprehension. And the main characters are killing my poor ovaries from laughing so hard. I'd really like to see where you're going to take this.

xchoco

"Did I stutter" - should have a question mark

"a creature of Hell, a servant of Satan and I can sell my soul to you?"

should be: a creature of Hell, a servant of Satan, and that I can sell my soul to you? (listing again)

So these workers have a quota to fill? XD That's interesting. They have to trick a certain number of people out of their souls each month? Ha ha! Election time! "I'd sell my sould to be president" *dies laughing*

You have some more backwards apostrophes.

A contract signed in blood? So that if they don't want to part from their souls, they can use it to forcibly extract the souls from their body?

Yeesh. Sounds painful.

No wonder they always warn ya to read the fine print! ^_^;

"You don't like pain" - why does the hamster sound so surprised? Oh crap - I bet the whole loosing-your-soul thing involves a lot of pain - it does, doesn't it?

Now there's a god involved? Sunflowers . . . you certainly have some strange characters in here. I love them! A satanic hamster and a god that smells like sunflowers. Wicked.

xchoco

I believe you are mistaken. Geometry is the work of the devil. Those blasted proofs are a hell-worthy offense. ^_~ I agree with the whole physics is hell thing, though. I wimped out my final year and took geology as my physical science instead of physics.

Suffering in silence. Teachers are supposed to be there to HELP but if you ever ask for help, they look at you as though you are a mushroom growing on a shower wall. Friday was always a good day because it meant more time for homework, except that I tended to procrastinate.

And, judging from our . . . happy . . . little protagonista here, she has just done the very same. Very realistic. I like her already because she seems so much like me. O.o

Off limits - should be hyphenated

rants, raves and conversations - should be rants, raves, and conversations since you are making a list

My god. XD She's so funny.

"Well, are you going to answer my question or must I begin said biting of toes?" - very funny line. What an evil little hamster (not that hamsters aren't ordinarily evil). Is it a devil-hamster?

for my bosses business - boss's business

I- " - okay, this is just me being picky, but your quotation mark is backwards.

"Who're you calling a freak? I'm not the talking hamster here!" - XD Oh my god! *doubles over and clutches midsection*

Hmm . . . help with homework in exchange for your soul. A very unique idea that promises to be humorous from what I've read so far.

*drinks cookie and milk* This was good. Is this your first work? I enjoyed it. The jokes were slightly childish, but that only made them more surprising (hence more funny). It's like my friend says, there's stupid-funny and funny-funny and, my friend, you definitely fall into the latter. ^_^

Yup, I'd say that all you really need to watch out for at this point are the (few) grammatical errors.

xchoco

O.o

This is, without a doubt, the STRANGEST thing I have ever read in all my days as a ficpress author with the uncommon exception of the polka-dotted tightrope walking elephant named Barnabus.

Odd, yet with discernable plot. I like it a lot. Please continue. :)

Jagurandi

This story is funny as hell you definitely have to continue writing and u also have to check out my story lingo's adventures...its gonna be updated soon so there'll be even more hilarity...also that hampster thing is funny as hell who would have thought a hampster comes when u want to sell ur soul LMAO

I like the idea very much! and most of the writing is good to. However there are some points in the story where your main character talks to the reader. Although this may seem funny to you, it really does not help your story. just a recomendation. as for grammar and spelling and such, I could go my whole life reading stuff that only has periods for punctuation and I would be satisfied. Anyways, Keep on Writing