A great story you have here. Can't wait for more.

Hello again!

1.) "a sound rarely heard by day over the noise of the Port’s colourful markets" -- The choice of the word "colorful" (a word dealing with vision) when refering to a sound struck me as odd. Are you sure you can't think of a similar word that's more fitting to auditory senses? Even something like "bustling", which doesn't appeal to any particular sense would probably fit better.

2.) "ts arrival heralded the approach of another sea-faring traveller ... a beautiful, slender ship" -- Okay, this is the first grammatical mistake I've seen so far (and that's a compliment, I might add!). Why did you use the "..." here? The thought is not "trailing off" or "continuing", as "..." implies. Instead, you might try a colon. A dash would also be acceptable. You want something that suggests that the first thought is leading into the second, or that the thought is continuing. I see that you do this "..." thing later on, too, so you might want to look at those instances and determine if it's really the best choice of punctuation there, too.

3.) "Isaille’s not a particularly masculine name, is it?" -- Precisely the thought I had!

4.) "A man might have driven a hard bargain for the goods on board the ship, but a woman was another matter entirely!" -- This is the first time you've jumped into the head of one of the merchants, and I don't think you really want to start that. Unless this man is going to be a major character, you're better off just describing what he's doing, not giving us his blow-by-blow thoughts.

5.) " "Ah, yes, the silks," the Captain interrupted " -- "captain" should not be capitalized here, since "the captain" is merely a title, just like "the merchant" was in the previous sentence. I know, it always bothers me too, but that's the way grammar is. And if you've taken German like I have, all of these lowercase nouns REALLY start looking funny! Nonetheless, you'd best fix it.

6.) "I think that’s the last of it, Isaille" -- Yikes! You DEFINITELY need a horizontal bar or something above this to set off this section from the last. It was quite startling to read through the jump of several hours -- and worse than that, it was momentarily confusing. A simple separator would fix that.

7.) "Yargul cast her a worshipful smile." -- I like the choice of "worshipful" here. It fits well! Also, I really like the way you show brother and sister interacting in this chapter.

8.) I'm still trying to figure out if Daine is a man or a woman. You make a comment about "Grizzling with the old wives again" at the start, but nothing after that suggests that Daine is a woman, given the merchants' expectation that women aren't businesspeople, etc. You might want to go back and make it more clear.

9.) "This time Daine didn’t join in; he stared moodily into his tankard" -- Ah. Here's the first time you give a clear gender. Definitely need to do that sooner, given the "old wives" comment above.

10.) ""Don't know what it is with pirates and rum," Nuan put in sagely. "At least there were no parrots. And no-one said 'yo ho'." -- HAHAHA! Very nice!

11.) "Velkol wordlessly passed the young bard another glass of water" -- My experience with musicians suggests that he might want something stronger than water. Unless, of course, this is a character trait of his.

12.) "Daine was only vaguely aware of his actions that night" -- Whoa! Persona switch! Horizontal line it again, please!

13.) "someone wanted you to die, all right, but not easily" -- Actually, from your description of it, I thought he died very quickly. If he didn't, you need to expand the death scene to show that.

14.) For the record, the funeral scene with all the chanting priests was quite dull. I suspect that a lot of people will skim through it. You might want to take that into account and shorten it, if what's said isn't important.

15.) " it’s been prised open" -- Prised?! Huh? Typo?

A long chapter, but a very good one. I'm impressed with your writing! Excellent characters and plot, so far, and good grammar to boot! :) That makes me happy. I've got to go work now, but I'll be back at some point to see what happens!

Greetings! I see Joelle Duran has you down under her favorite authors, and since she's got good taste in writing, I thought I'd check you out. I'll comment as I read and just to warn you ahead of time, I'm a terrible grammar freak! :)

1.) "he was now on the west highway to Port Aieren" -- "western"?

2.) "however isolate by land" -- This thought seems extremely random here, especially separated by "..." as you have it. It detracts from the general cleanliness of your prose, so you might be better off rephrasing (or just deleting it, if it's not important).

3.) "then decided abruptly that he was now in a proper artistic mood to do some composing" -- Haha! You've done a nice job showing us his personality so far. Well done!

4.) "the Westerners were no different to Midlanders" -- maybe "from" instead of "to", since it's a comparison?

5.) "The next line of his lament was still evading Korin the next evening..." -- You might consider using a horizontal bar to separate this section from the preceeding one, just because of the jump in time.

6.) If his fingers are all scratched up, the LAST thing he'd want to do is play a harp. Those things make your fingers sore on the best of days -- and wouldn't he want to make sure his fingers heal quickly, before he needed to play the harp for money or another ride? You might be better off having him just sing to himself tonight.

O! Very freaky and excellent ending to the chapter! Yes, Joelle chose well when she added your name to her favorites list. I'll have to read more!

Thanks much for the story!
--Ruatha

I'm loving this story! I find the character of Schiri intriguing; I realy want to know why he keeps on helping them for no obvious reason. I cant wait for the next chapter. (btw, when I comment on elfwood its as random reader)

'Alkior stared contritely down at his lap. "I suppose you must still be practising the hard parts of your code," he said meekly, leaning back after a moment and trying to peer up at the Elf to give him a proper, apologetic look. "It does all sound terribly severe and difficult."

"Practising?"

"Y-yes," the scholar replied, shrinking in a little at the tone of Schiri's hissing voice. "Unless I mistranslated estharan prist as' kiarasin drayais as' marai'stha hura aem. Ah. 'Always focus the world as upon the blade's fine edge'? That is, ah, always concentrate very hard?"'

Hehehee! In case I haven't mentioned it, I absolutely ADORE Alkior. What a gem he is, funny little scholar!

And...gah! Oh how I wish there was more to read! I really love this story. It's not shallow, but not boringly deep, you're really good at giving your readers' senses something to think about, and your characters are absolutely the kind that linger.

Great job! Post more soon!

~May

I love the ambiguity of the line between good and evil here. That sort of thing makes the best stories! Of course, now I'm annoyed because there is just one chapter left for me to read...

:D

That's all I can think of, really.

LOL! The humour you weave into this story kills me. Schiri is whirling and murduring a group of deadly fellow Dark Elves one minute, and then cursing and snapping at our heroes for not taking care of themselves the next. Teeheehee! So unlikely. True, his motives are all vengeance and so on and so forth, but it's pretty darn comedic for such an intimidating character to act like a mother hen.

Oh wow...what is he ~doing~? Schiri, that is. His motives are so murky looking!

I really hope Isaille gets her memory back, discovers her power, and kicks some **. lol. That would be IDEAL right about now...

'Schiri – sitting alone, well outside their comradely circle, by choice – unexpectedly broke into a sharp peal of laughter. Lorannon's eyes slitted, leaving only the faintest, threatening glimmer of green, as he turned to look at the laughing Dark Elf. "I'm suffering your presence within very narrow bounds, délach. If you want to make melodramatic commentary or warn that the Darkness is unstoppable or the like, I suggest you do so silently."

"Kaydhil, tree-rat. I was merely marvelling at your Paladinic powers of deduction." Schiri pressed a finger to his lips, but the dark, ironic laughter went on in his eyes.'

...your characterization is just brilliant. And the balance between dialogue and narration...*sighs*. If you were published, I'd buy your books.

Oh my goodness. I am ~so~ uncomfortable with what Simbelyne did to Schiri with his name. It had me gritting my teeth. Which you fully-intended, I'm sure.

Honourable villains are so damn ~likable~!

'“Appealing!” exploded Isaille. Hastily she looked away from the guard. “I’d sooner eye a pig than one of you skinny worms.”

“That is no less than your appearance would suggest,” Dayathlin retorted.'

Teehee! Oh boy, your story is SO GOOD. You've so cleverly crafted the precarious dynamic between these two, and I can see it getting even more amusing.

I LOVE THIS! Ahh! People on this site have no idea what they're missing. I don't think there is anything I love more than enemies who are forced into an alliance. And you've done such a good job too, because I've been hoping for something like this since Grey-Eyes'/Dayathlin's/Schiri's first appearance. lol.

Reading on...

Holy moly! I feel like I just hit the jackpot! I was reading your story on Elfwood, then on your bio I saw that there was MORE here on fictionpress...!! It's pathetic just how cheery that makes me. Goodness, I'm going to be up all bloody night reading now...

But man, one has to wonder why you have almost no reviews. People on this site have such TERRIBLE taste.

Ah... chapter 16. *settles in with a comfy pillow, a scented candle, and a cat for a cozy evening of reading*

I gotta say, I'm worried about Lorranon. He didn't get scratched by a werewolf or anything, did he? I know I'm coming up close to the point where we Elfwoodians deemed it necessary to lynch mob you... I'm getting a little scared... *takes nerve pill before reading on to stave off encroaching anxiety attack* ^_~

O, those air creature thingies are eerie! "If this word 'tickle' means 'tear into many pieces', then yes." *giggles*

^_^ Alkior's song is cute! Great job on that!Ack, but that song that Isaille wakes to... creepy! Great job on that, as well! *finds it incredibly difficult to write lyrics/rhymes and is in awe of those who can*

The White Ladies were... um... creepy. *shudders*

Have I already mentioned how I love Schiri's Sending? So cool.

*pouts* Aw... I was so happy when I thought that was Lorannon. But I love your descriptions of this new elf.

Is the new elf gone so soon? But he was so lovely... and sad and lost... Why do your elves keep disappearing?! ^_~

Yay! Welp, I have added a few reviews to your account. Okay, so i have single-handedly tripled your number of reviews. *grins smugly* It was all a pleasure, I assure you. Now, I shall run to my email account and finish up this wonderful tale!!

Ah, a day off work. Unfortunately, it's too hot and muggy outside to enjoy my freedom, so I'll just sit here in my air-conditioned environment and read. ^_^

Aussies and the Brits seem to have 'touch wood,' while in the States we say 'knock on wood.' Not important to the story, obviously... just one of those little cultural differences that are fun to bring up sometimes. Okay, shutting up now. ^_~

*plants face in hands* I just saw your Dark Elf singing about kittens. I'm afraid I will not be able to get that out of my head as I continue reading... (and other people seeing this comment will probably have NO idea what I'm talking about, and will just write me off as another looney ;-)

Oh, I could just kiss you. FINALLY someone who knows how to properly gag someone!! I absolutely HATE gags in movies--nothing but a piece of cloth tied around the head and stuck between the teeth. Like THAT'S going to shut anyone up? Hello? The whole purpose of that is to keep the big wad of cloth that you put IN their mouth from being spat back OUT. That is how you gag someone! *hugs Alyssa* You're so wonderful! You know how to spell 'all right.' You know that head wounds bleed a lot. You know how to gag someone. You're awesome!! *blinks* Have I said that to you before? I get the feeling that on an earlier chapter I praised your ability to gag someone... either that, or I've simply DREAMED of when this day would come. *hugs Alyssa again*

"That's a really good idea," Nuan replied. "The bath, I mean." - *chuckles* A little ripe, is she? ^_~

Nice description of Schiri deflecting the weapons to protect Simbelyne... very graceful indeed.

O, something up with Schiri's wards?

Another superb chapter! *is enjoying muchly!*

Wow, look at all this extra reading time I have when Elfwood is down. Maybe it should go down more often. *twitches as withdrawal symptoms set in* Okay... maybe not.

Ack, poor Jeren. (and as I'm sure you've noticed by now, my comments aren't incredibly helpful. I've only found a couple things to nit on in the past several chapters, so I hope you don't mind my Acks! Gahs! and Ahs! ^_~)

Yay (oh yeah, add Yays! to my list of words up there) Yay for Alkior! That little insult he threw at Schiri --and the cute manner in which he did so-- was great! ^_^ And Schiri's reaction? *gasp!* ^_^

"There, it is done, you squalling child. Bide it as a man should, hmm?" Heheheheh, that's one of my favorite lines thus far. ^_^

*cackles* The idea of that little kid lobbing a snowball at Schiri is just fabulous!

Poor Nuan... but it is odd seeing Schiri acting almost... concerned! ... *scratches head*

Wonderful!