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| Snarky fox 2007-07-06 ch 1,  | abuseUh oh! A cliff hanger! I like it. It's the kind of story that you stay awake till four in the morning, just having to know what happens next. Then you fall asleep in your living room with the tv on mute, and your roommate has to wake you up the next day. So over all, I give it a thumbs up! ^.~ |
| mrs.de lioncourt 2007-04-18 ch 1, | abusei like this, are you gonna keep going? ...talking panther...cool... :) |
| Sue 2006-12-28 ch 1, anon. | abuseIntersting so far. |
| Mitts 2006-08-31 ch 1, anon. | abuseYou CANNOT leave it there, surely? What happens next? Does the obsidian panther rip Colin's eye out? Or does Colin defeat her and take her ruby eye? Is this all a dream?I love this writing style. It's short, punchy and tells it like it is, no long narrative of description wanted, or needed. The words you use have the power all their own to create for the reader the ability to see it how it should be seen.I really hope you continue with this story... |
| StoryJunkie 2006-04-02 ch 1, | abuseThat was vivid. ("its" instead of "it's" at the beginning) |
| tranquilchaos 2005-04-01 ch 1, anon. | abuseI'm surprised you don't have more reviews! Your style is lovely, and you have managed to create a colorful world in simply a few paragraphs. Dreamwalking sounds like a good concept. If this were a novel, I would buy it. As it is, I can only eagerly hope you add more to the story =) |
| Museworks 2005-01-28 ch 1, | abuseDefinitely grabs attention, definitely interesting. It also sets the scenery somewhat--words like "glass cat," "blue cedars," and "Dreamwalker" help create images of another world. I'm not sure if you want technical feedback at this point (grammar, etc.), but there really isn't much else to review about--content is fine. So here goes: 1) In the first sentence, it should be "its," not "it's."2) 4th paragraph - it says "He heaved, and claws ripped through his flesh." That part was confusing--Who's heaving? I thought the cat was a "she".3) You tend to use the "da da da da (comma) da da da da" sentence form a lot. It's not too bad, but it gets a little tedious at times b/c all the sentences sound somewhat the same--you may want to vary sentence structure more. Other than that--imagery's great, especially use of colors. The action's quick--the length of the words fits the actions they're describing. Your style's clean. It's a small snippet, but it'd make a fine prologue. Good writing, overall. I'd love to see the rest of your novel! G. London P.S. I'm currently working on a story titled "Starlight"--If you could take a moment to give me some constructive feedback, I'd really appreciate it. Thank you in advance! |