personally, I think this would be better as a poem. Stanzas, etc. Then I would not feel as if it was excessively repetitive. Nice idea, but you might want to work on your construction. I think you need to develop it more and actually address the message you are trying to say. (For most readers are rather stupid and need things spelled out for them in great detail ;-) Basically, work on this and the formatting a bit and I'd love to read it. Keep up the good work.