Hiya Kori. :) I must admit, I'm not much of a fan of the sci-fi genre. Barring the work of a few exceptional names, I find too much of it unimaginative and reptitive.

First off, suggested improvements. As some of the previous reviewers have noted, the flow of the story was interrupted at times because I was forced to reread the passage due to grammatical errors. Cleaning these up would certainly benefit this work.

The theme of flow brings me to another related point. While it is not uncommon to see glossaries in fantasy and sci-fi literature, you may wish to consider a style that Tom Clancy often employs. If acronyms are likely to feature often - consider explaining them in the body of the story itself, while directly relating your characters' feelings/past experiences with them. Your story becomes less 'technical', the eye flows easier over the page, and you have the opportunity to further characterisation.

Now, the good. :) With every chapter, there seems to be an increasing sense of pace, and the battle sequence is a fun, fun, fun read.

All in all, good job. I look forward to more. :D

Nice work mate. You know me from Wot of course. Well it isn't exactly written in a format I am used to but I did go "meh" when I was done. No more to READ! TYPE MORE!

_ris

I have high hopes for this story please update at your earlest convenace.

Hey, this is actually pretty good. Yes, I love these kind of military sci-fi stories too. The format is also quite similar to mine so maybe that's why I'm biased. :) But it's looking good so far. Keep it up!

I to must comment on the fight sequence- it was quite good. Overall good story, but watch your tenses.

This chapter seemed like nothing more than a briefing. Kerensky, the ace from the prologue, you must have more of him later. Unlike the first chapter though, i caught a few things.

One thing is verb-tense agreement. Always try to maintain the same tense when you write. For most of the chapter you use 3rd person but switch up randomly.

EX: "Her young face hides the fact that she actually held the rank of Fleet Admiral, and is the youngest person to hold that rank in the history of the FSN" instead, it should be "young face hid" and "was the youngest person"

You do this quite a few times and it's kinda jarring.

Also, there were a few parts where things just didn't make sense, as if you never quite finished typing out what you were saying. These could be easily caught if you went over it once or twice.

Aside from this, the chapter was decent. I'm looking forward to seeing what you can do with the next chapter. I'm expecting an all out planetary seizure.

Keep it up!

M.C.

i love these sci-fi war fics ^_^update soon-BL

Very Nice! I'm glad to be the first to review this. Your grammar was solid and your dialogue was very believable. The action here was very, very well written. I love stories that feature fighter pilots in any capacity, and your starfighter battle was very solid.

Capella Four needs a name! The guy has to be bad **, if he wasn't already an ace, he'd be one or damn close to it. Please update this soon. I'm looking forward to it. ::checks all three boxes in the review window::

M.C.