Yup, the LJ community again. And ... -checks watch- I'm late. Bleh. Oh well, hope you're up for getting reviewed anyway.

I like to type things up as I read the chapter, but I forgot to do that this time. So I'm starting with the ending.

I'm torn between telling you to leave it alone when she says "Love me." or to keep the ending you've posted. The one we see is more true to the original myth, and it's funny [taking us back to Nathan teasing her about staying with the janitor] ... But I'm not sure if "funny" is the right way to leave this piece. At least with "Love me." the tone would be kept consistent ... Hmm. It's your choice.

Going back to the beginning ... I noticed how well-paced this was, you definitely took your time to add in little moments that flesh out your writing. Like at the party, it's neat how you show Erica meeting a few non-important characters first before getting into the plot-ish moments.

Some things that bug me, though ... I don't think what happened at the party was anywhere near tragic enough to make Erica the little wreck she was later on in the story. People get hurt, but ... I'm not buying the drama there. So Cassandra had a bee in her bonnet ... Big deal, right? Eh. I mean, you also already established Erica as a pretty outgoing person, from the way she mixes and mingles with people at the party. I think she'd bounce back quickly from whatever issues she has with her friend and her brother.

Also maybe it's just me and my muddled brain, but sometimes I had a hard time figuring out who was speaking. Not saying that the dialogue wasn't good, just that the voices didn't seem attatched to anyone in particular. I got Lola and Erica's lines mixed up all the time while reading.

Overall I really liked this. The modern-day setting among teenagers was really enjoyable to see played out. Thanks for sharing! :)

I found this on the LJ fictionpress community as well. It's so good and you actually wrote this BEFORE the challenge started. Maybe you just have really good psychic intuition or something.

The story is great and I love the plot. I felt so sorry for poor Echo, oops I mean Erica and I really wanted to kill Nathan. At least in the end he got his cuppeance(however you spell it) though. Killer ending.

Brilliant. I saw it on the Fiction Press LJ community. I loved the ending.