Hi, I know this is just the first Chapter and it's really good so far lol, but just a little bit of condtructive criticism (from writer to writer) please get rid of the authors noes in the middle of the paragraphs, one or two are okay but they take the focus away from the plot and the story. I hope you don't hate me for saying that :( please don't...I'm a very nice person really :). I just wanted to let you know. I'm gonna carry on reading now.

Thanks for reading :)
Elidhu
x

WHAT?! That was no sex scene!! that was like, 1/3 of a sex scene!! YoKuMi-chan wants more...*whines* this is really good...

 Ok frist off im not trying to be bitchy but this doesn’t work with your description. Your premise is good and you’re dialogue is ok (better than mine) but you still need to flesh out the story with descriptive text. Your characters lack personalities traits that should be there. When writing a demon you have to give him traits that make him a demon and not a human but Rath comes off as 100% human. He’s completely soft and when it comes to looks giving him slightly pointy ears doesn't cut it. Momiji is supposed to be ten and yes innocents are very likely to be impressionable but you’ve given Momiji no will of his own which gives him no personality.
I can see this is a way old story but i couldn't help but giving review i don’t do it often but you've got potential

maxwell-sama... i hate you. i'm clearly trying very hard to hate rath and you are not helping. you're tying to turn me into a rapist! i love momiji though, he's the cutest thing ever. and i would yell at you to udate this but then i feel like that would be admitting that i have feelings little friendlier than dislike towards rath. and that would be terrible.

*bangs her head on the desk* the end of the chapter? No! Update?

I haven't seen any Momiji fics for a long time. Very Blue Seed. I cant wait to read more.

this story is amazing. keep writing!

almost at the end, can't wait to read it. this chapter was great.

nicely done!

kama sutra... haha, very creative. can't wait to read the next chappie.

very creative sex scene; spices up the story a ton.

nice chapter... stupid lady.

again, i pity poor Momiji. he doesn't even know what he's doing. this was written very well, i liked it very much.

this is really great *adds to favorites list* there you go!

aww, poor momiji! again, another very well written chapter.