I like how you made sure to keep your audience on their toes, really i can't tell you what's wrong with it.

Cool

Wierd my name is Tristan and I would love to have powers.

I loved the story, i think the only thing you really need to work on is the dialouge. Don't get me wrong. You did pretty well on teh dialouge but in some places it seems like it isn't a human having a conversation with another human, rather a statement showing there feelings. Sorry i can't give a better description than that. Looking forward to reading your other storys! :D

Oh! What a twist! i kinda saw it coming but i didnt think you would do it! its almost like a blow to myself. I had liked tristan so much :( Well, at least someone has the guts to write a damn good story no matter where it goes! Good Job!

I think that some of the dialogue was a little awkward. To give an example, "Cameryn looked at her sadly and then smiled. 'Thank you for listening and understanding,' he whispered.

'It's good you know that you're not alone, Cameryn. I am here,' Jolene said and draped an arm over his shoulders."

At least for me, that's a little awkward given the situation. Instead, try

"Cameryn glanced at her and a gloomy smile crossed his face. 'Thank you for... for...' He could not find the words.

Jolene smiled back. 'For listening? For understanding? What are friends for?

'You're not alone, Cameryn. I am here,' she said softly, and draped an arm over his shoulders."

Other than that, I really like this story a great deal. It has the Hero's Journey, but it isn't cliche.

Great job.

Over and out,

:) CD

That was awesome!! Even though I don't exactly like that part about the death of Tristan. I was kinda hoping that Cam and Tris will kill boss together and be friends until the end of time!! But never mind, I still love this story, but it's kinda too long, 37 chapters!!

Great story, but I still can't believe you KILLED TRISTAN! My gosh! I litterally DID pull my hair out. I think the story could use an epilogue with Jolene and Cameryn and their kids, but that's up to you... Thanks for great hours of reading.-Hydie

WHAT?!?! You KILLED Tristan?! ARG! I can't believe it!! *pulls hair out*

Like what I said in my last comment about this story, I really can't wait to know the end! hehe :P

and so it begins...

:) CD

lemmee guess... the traitor is not dead.

:) CD

better. Cameryn's finally getting better.

:)CD

This story is so cool!! I really can't wait to know about the end!!

Jolene is a good match for Cameryn, if he would FINALLY accept that. Tristan is his complement, yes, but Jolene is his support, the girl who talks him out of depression. Without one or the other, Cameryn would give up a/o stagnate, but with both, he's ready to stand up for the final fight...

:) CD