FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Clap Clap Raise Your Hands 2005-05-26 ch 1,  | abuseBecause the whole poem is displayed in my pc window i saw the "beep" part before anything else, and for some reason i thought of a telephone, just sort of like the technologies that have taken over mankind (and will probably take over completelly soon enough...) i read what other people said after i read the poem, and found, that like me, after reading the poem that it sounded like a heart monitor, but i thought i'd put my first impression down too so you can see what i originally thought ;) anyway, i like this, it's written in such a way that you make the reader rush through it, almost WITH the woman, then you make the reader pause for every "beep", very well written and a fantastic metaphore, i love poems that carry a metaphore with them all the way through, you truly are very talented x weasel within x |
| Ethereal Kisses 2005-03-05 ch 1, | abuseHi again, how did your physical health class go? lol, good idea, FP is much more interesting than running...hehehhe Interesting structure to the poem, the beeps remind me a lot like those heart moniter sounds you get in movies to indicate that the person is dead. Is that what it is? Lot of big words in there, nice vocab. I especially like the verse: "their eyes twinkling with unmade promises" and "Struggling azaleas fight for life among the weeds". I think it's an amazing poem, and vey significant and deep. Keep writing! ~ Ethereal Kisses ~ |
| Toast n Guitars 2005-02-09 ch 1, | abuseFor some reason the beeps make me think of a heart monitor... Interesting. -Toast |
| xxLuvoxx 2005-02-09 ch 1, | abuseHmm makes me wonder. Great peice of work and I love this poem, just the way it is really catches me. Keep on writing! :) |
| eviljackinthebox 2005-02-08 ch 1, | abuseWow. I love the description. I'm just a bit unsure on the beeps. Were you using them as symbols to represent something? If so, it was a bit unclear, and it went against the flow a bit. But nonetheless, an amazing poem. Keep writing. |
| dustytiger 2005-02-08 ch 1, | abusewow, this is a great peice, i really like it, i'm not sure what it really means, but it's really great, thank you for sharing |