This is an interesting tale. I like the general sentiment, but the actual formatting could use a little bit of work. They way you're using italics and parantheses is a little distracting. Ideally, you ought to use neither, similar to how Terry Pratchett writes.

I do like the idea, though, and I'd like to see you bring this further. Clearly a lot of thought has gone into this, and it's got plenty of potential.

I don't think you plan on finishing this. I mean, it has been a year. Maybe you just forgot.

Get to finishing already. Geeze. Its gripping, its interesting, its even unique. You know what it doesn't have going for it...?? Completion!

And only one man can fix this!

Uncle Ace wants you!! *big pointing finger pose* So get to it man, get to it!

Another good peice in mild need of editing and the like. Otherwise, famtastic, please finish so I can read. Don't make me come home from Europe and beat you into compliance!

Keep it Wild!-Ace

hmm, u always do this, show me the start of somthing ur writing or the first chapers and then i have to wait for more...and i like this one too, i want to see wher it goes so, keep writing and posting...soon.

A good start...curious as to where you got the idea.