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| FrozenKiwi 2005-09-07 ch 1,  | abuseYay! So pretty! You are an awesome writer, never stop! I especially love how he sits and sits etc. |
| La Gitane 2005-09-05 ch 1, | abuseAre you familiar at all with the Beatles song 'Fool on the Hill'? If not, I really reccomend you take a listen to it, or look up the lyrics - I'm curiously reminded of them when I read this. This a very touching poem. The rhymes give it a sense of gentle, lilting sadness, or wistfulness, perhaps. The descriptions colour him beautifully, even if it is only in shades of grey. The 'sits and sits' repetition very nicely gives the sense of a listless waiting of forever, 12 hours a time - the monotony is of course helped by colours like grey in a sole patch of green, and dreams of flying in the face of hordes of cars. And of course, it ties in nicely in the final two lines. A quietly pensive piece, but striking all the same. Well done. :) |
| swaggering curses 2005-06-11 ch 1, | abuseI love it, so sad. The imagery is nifty and you're fabulous at making rhymes enhance rather than detract from your poems. I loved the "His face is as bland as the hope of a nation" line. I think your triplet rhythm is a little bit off sometimes; you might want to go back and read it out loud and clean it up just a tiny bit. But it's absolutely wonderful. =) |
| grim-dreamer 2005-03-03 ch 1, | abuseThe repetition of 'he sits and he sits' mimics the waiting process precisely, and the sadness of it at the same time. I remember on a drive up to Scotland seeing the straight rows of pines growing on the hillsides surrounding the highways. It was very sad for Nature to be seen that way, and the eco clown, sitting there, sitting it out, well... Isn't that all we can do now? Wait until everything dies? You've got a charming grasp for the English language in your poetry. Is 'sagged' used well in that line? |
| LordK 2005-02-13 ch 1, | abuseCool. This is very interesting. Lots of the stanzas are really interesting and deep, but honestly one or two of them feel a little unnecessary. At the same time, all of them have something to say, and I definitely get the point of the poem, and the imagery clashes nicely. It carries a nice distinct style, as always. Very cool. Awesome. |