This has a very fantasy-like feel to it, which is interesting. I'm not sure about some of the phrasing in here, like "and all in you did it kill." People don't actually talk like that, so I'd think about rewording that. Keep writing! :)

i love i love i love your love poetry! this is saccharine bliss. fine so it's a tragedy. but i love it anyway. it is bittersweet-addictive. like dark chocolate. -kismet.

Nice imagery. Old-fashioned type of phrasing. Desperate type of loving...nicely shown.

Izzy J.

Really powerful and beautiful...Wow.(I don't mean that in a bad way. ;) I'm almost at a lose for words at the power each word holds. - Well done!

!* Noelle *!

wow.. extremely powerful and beautiful

Hmm.. I really like it, but I don't think it flows as well as your usual stuff... there's something about it that sort of throws off the whole flow of things. But I really like some of the lines you have. As always, your imagery is awesome. This one line though doesn't make sense, "I’ll day pass away before the coming morrow". I'm assuming a typo, but I'm not sure what it's supposed to say. Anyway... beautiful, as always... even if I prefer your others.