Loved it!

There are a couple of reviews up here that I sincerely disagree with, including one that claims the story is 'rather badly written.' The writing in this story is very good. It is imaginative, from what I've read, and stands apart from most of the other stories on this site. I'd easily categorize this into the elite 1% of the fiction on this website.

"Clothes don't die." Nice! I like this story. Its rare to read from the private archive of a writer who's good and knows he's good and doesn't have his head in the clouds. I like your writing style, and the first chapter is a winner in my book. You must like to read.

That was really interesting. I'd never thought about dying that way before. Anyway, I thought it was great.

First of all, thank you for your rather short, though informative review. I do try to get back to people who review my work, and today it's your turn.I just happened to randomly choose the second of your works. Here's what I thought.My point of view might be wrong, but I do believe that every story has already been told, and the only thing that matters is the author's approach. What makes the most enjoyable literary works so enjoyable, is the reader's eventual familiarity with the author's unique view on the matter as an individual and his or her lucid representation thereof in words. Which is lacking in your story. The first mistake you make is not trying to use more varied language. While some stories benefit from colloquial speech ("Catcher In The Rye" being a prime example), the works with intentions similar to yours would look a lor fresher and far less livid if their vocabulary was more robust. What you have written reads like a casual monologue of someone who is waiting for, say, the train and spends time talking to a person they've just met. So is the rather pallid sense of humour that appeared to me as irrelevant and superfluous (for example, "(not like that you pervert)" jumped at me out of nowhere, and was very uncalled for). Overall, it reads like a rather bland text devoid of any artistic value. Concerning your theme and subject matter - there were some interesting points, in particular the fact about nakedness and potential comic relief that it could have brought had you handled it better. The rest reminded me a lot of the very good old movie called "Ghost", starring Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze. Seriously, did you have it in mind writing this?Character development was satisfactory, with the exception of Carma, whose charisma could have been explored more. The ending is unsatifying and largely left me wondering why the piece had actually been written. Why? There doesn't seem to be much personal involvement on your side, more like an amused account of some daydreaming that leads ultimately nowhere.Please don't think that I wrote all of this just to prove to you that I am a better writer, because I'm not. Perhaps I'm being overly fastidious. I'm merely an avid reader, and I have a lot of experience with all sorts of literature, including the type that you prefer. Your writing just does not "do it" for me. If others like it - awesome. If it brings you satisfaction - even better.Happy writing, and good luck on that novel you're writing.-Rick.

nice... i like the idea...

this is a pretty good, well-written story. i especially liked the concept of death..

Niice! Well Done! Great descriptions and nice plot!

Hmm, though the idea was good, it seems rather badly written. Though it is a first person story, there seems borderline of too much talking. It would be a bit better if your weren't quite a reptitive. I felt almost as if to be reading the same thing over and over again for most of the story. ^_^ It was good, but try and work on that!

I liked your ideas and the events, but there was too much "wondring," Questions and thoughts that the narrator would've thought, but don't really have too much to do with the plot. And what was the goal?

Hello! I started reading this piece because it reminded me a lot of the movie Constantine which is coming out soon. Maybe you got your inspiration from it? It's a really cool idea, for sure.

One thing that I would tell you to work on with this story is to try and find a voice that really portrays your main character, Joe. The voice that you're using in this first chapter really doesn't do him justice.

My main beef with this first chapter was the first paragraph. I had a conference once with a published novelist who gave me a great piece of advice: A publisher will read the first sentence of a story and if they don't like it, they won't give it another second.

You need a better first sentence to pull in your audience. Something that really sticks out and makes this something that people will instantly be interested in. Something like, "I was never really against religion until I met God and realized he was a **." Or something that really shocks people who read it.

Also, the whole, "What? What do you mean, 'How do I know?'" That line really takes away from the voice of the character as well. Try to stay away from putting words into the mouths of your readers because a reader wants to have their own opinions, not be told what their opinions should be. What if a reader agreed with your opening statement? The next line wouldn't make sense to them.

Just a few pointers. Keep up the good work though, it's an interesting topic!

cool.

cool

this is a cool story.