One word of advice..1) Punctuation

When you actually include these things in a story, you attain the potential for greatness.

hehe sound familiar though i resent your review, no hard feelings. I like my story and its kinda an inside joke. I'm not done with it and the plot comes out later. But your use of descriptive language is very good.

ha ha, comma are so confusing. i can never get them right either. now about your poem..i really liked it, its so powerful. and describes everything so perfectly.

I forgot to mention that I'm extremely bad at punctuating poetry. Sorry.