hmm...i think this is too random compared to Miss Tori Amos' whom i really adore...i must say that her lyrics are much more cohesive...but nice try...

truly yours...

This is really good--I love the imagery. I just have three kind of small issues with it. One is that, in the eighth line, you see "laying" where you should say "lying". *shudder* That mistake is my pet peeve.

Another is the lines "try to remember that I said this to you/you won't remember cause you're dead". The repetition of the word "remember" is a little unnecessary--I think it would work better if you found a way to say it without saying "remember" again in the second line.

One last thing, and then I swear I'll leave you alone--I don't think the last line is necessary. Well, I mean, you should say that at some point, but I think the last line should be the one about "you won't remember cause you're dead". I think that's much more evocative.

Sorry if it kind of feels like I hammered on you--the imagery is really, really good, and so is the lining. It's just those three things.

Keep writing!

~Weeba~

I really like this. It's very Tori Amos-like. Very well put together although random (as you said in your summary).

The seemingly random lines in here have a deeper meaning, hidden undertones? I'm still trying to uncover them. This one of the better poems I've read in a long time.

Wow... this was really well written. I like!

Wow, that's über-gorgeous. Great, great job.