FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| Mangus Beast 2005-05-03 ch 1,  | abuseHm... Perhaps you should extend the story a little? It has great potential, but not enough background to make the reader /want/ the girl to live or /want/ her to die. Call me morbid, but more details could be involved as well, especially when it comes to the cutting and the relationship. Why didn't she feel the cuts? What did this boy do to break her heart so? Or was it simply because "He concentrated on his own feelings whilst blocking out my [her] own?" Also, I do think that anyone willing to take their life away on account of a bad relationship doesn't have a mind. Just my thoughts. Well written, though. It was interesting reading it aloud and trying to get in character. |
| Modulated 2005-02-20 ch 1, | abusethis is ** up. Seriously though, if a ** guy would make someone want to kill themselves... I dunno. THis peice is really well written. Good work. Keep it up. |