I like the world you've built here. Much of it makes intellectual sense, such as the fact that Mars' large iron deposits would make it into a valuable resource.

However, I believe you should work on your description some. For instance you used almost identical phrasing in two paragraphs very close together. "the hardest in transparent titanium" and "the finest in synthetic wood." If you over use phrasing, as you did there, it sticks out, makes you look like a one-trick pony. Or author, as the case may be.

You need to work some on your grammar, comma usage in particular. "The strong aroma of as his daughter called it “Old people” wafted from it. " Should be 'The strong aroma of, as his daughter called it, "Old People" wafted from it' or 'The strong aroma of "Old people," as his daughter called it, wafted from it." There are a few other places which need commas as well. And in your first sentence I believe you intended to put a space between 'space' and 'dark.'

Your characterizations are interesting. I'm particularly curious to learn more of the de facto government structure. It seems to me that there is a lot you can do with that.

This story is pretty good, it'll be interesting to see what happens next.

Is there going to me more or is that it? Either way this was a good read. I would like to read some more from ou soon.