 Areneth 2007-01-02 . chapter 1That was a cool short story! You did a good job with it. I liked the descriptions in the first paragraph. It all flowed very nicely, there was nothing in particular that was jarring in any way. There were some typos that I will point out: "... It will always amaze me" (Par 1), "The forgotten drum rattles out a beat the shakes the very air from my chest" (par 7), "...until the it seems as though..." (par 7), "The beating of instruments becomes ferocious, a now the lion is truly awake" (Par 8), "as it moves and down the street" (Par 13). Those are the ones that I caught, they were obvious. Nice work. |