|Reviews for You've Gotta Be Kidding!|
| bmwmusicgirl 11/12/08 . chapter 3
you should continue this. I like it.
| GjK 2/24/05 . chapter 1
Nice story, I like the plotline, though it seems rather unbeilevable...which doesn't really matter...because stories do not have to be that beilevable to be interesting. You had a slight bit of trouble with your transitions from present tense to past tense...in a 'proper' story all the text and dialogue should be in either one or the other. There were a few mispellings,'purpose' and grammtical errors... run-on sentences..etc.
Your style is personal, both intimate and general at the same time. It's very easy to read, however, you might want to think a little bit more about using, 'right, 'like' and 'anyways'... it makes your character sound like a valley girl...which he isn't. Just because it's the way you speak, doesn't mean it's the way he speaks. Also, your not a commentator, your a narrorator... You do not comment on action, you describe: scenes, people, and emotions.
As a rule, never break a story with an author's note, it's very distracting and takes away from your story...apologise for nothing...you want to make people think that Sinning Angels is the coolest thing EVER. One last thing, remember that what characters in a story say, have to sound real. Think about how you would react in the same situation, or how you bestfriend, mother, boyfriend, who ever reminds you of the character the most, would say or act. Then base your character after that person.I don't know if this has helped you, but I am a creative writing major, and when I read your story I knew you had potential, so I just wanted to give you a little peice of what I've learned. All or these things are so easy to fix, and could push your story very far. I wish you many creative thoughts.