Hello-

There is a lot of tense issues with this. It's a back and forth present to past, back to present.

You don't really describe the stream in the woods, it just appears to be there. What's the stream look like? Murky? Clear? Add a simile to it.

I like the relationship between the girl. Nicely done there.

Oy...very creepy. x-X;; But then again, should have been warned by the title!

That wAs creepy. But it was also good. Wow. Creepy. Hm.. Since I found this story good, I'm also going to try out Eraser by Nina Inch Nails. That's the author right? Phew, that was a good story.

wow, absolutely beautiful. you have every reason to be proud of this piece sage, this is awsome!

o disturbing. Alas the tormented minds of Men eh?reminds me of a story called "were are you going, where have you been" i cant remember the author, but if you are ever at the library and can look it up do it, its a god story-Love&Peace-Durine

ah! creepy, but you wrote it REALLY WELL. AWESOME JOB. I love the way you used the point of view.

This is a very good effort you put forth! I like it a lot and really hope that you decide to do more in the very near future! Maybe if it were a little longer I'd like it better but to me I think it's still fine. Can't find much of anything wrong with it.